Human Touch

I really could use some human to human interaction and something fun to do... I am “at home”… Sitting in an apartment in Idaho Falls with three sleeping dogs... They aren't very good at conversation... I need something fun to do and someone to do it with... That is what has been running through my mind for weeks...

In and out of town constantly since the end of November… I semi-bound here until my lease expires the end of August… With where I’m headed still to be determined… I have tried to make the most of my time at “home”… Spending time with my boys, writing as much as possible, editing old blogs in the hope of getting something published, and trying to enjoy at least some of what Idaho Falls offers as “eclectic” culture…

Occasionally heading out to hear some music and have a beer…

When I can find something besides metal… The structured and dominate culture of Idaho Falls has provided a home here for the most rebellious and worst music on earth… If you’re going to rebel… Might as well go big or shut up and go to church… Piercing and tattoos are the badges of rebellion amongst the locals who have grown up fighting the reins of control here…

So its Tuesday night concerts outside at the art museum and of course Wednesday night Alive After 5 for music and some beers…  

The Alive After 5 crowd is usually a bit older, an eclectic mix transplants like me and locals who have lived their lives here in defiance of the prevailing culture… It has provided me ample opportunity to “people watch”… Finding a place to sit or stand amongst the crowd watching and listening… Listening to the music and the din of conversations… Surrounded by noise while watching people talking from a distance to far away to hear their words… Just seeing their lips move as almost in a movie… Their conversations can become anything I choose to imagine…

The inhumane working hours at INL keeps most of my former co-workers from these events… 12hr shift work with an hour drive on both ends of it... Very unhealthily doesn’t lend itself to extracurricular activities to easily…

Surrounded by people, conversation and noise… Yet ever alone… Just like at “home”… Streaming an Oriole game on the internet, surfing Facebook and meaningless dangling internet conversations… Always alone…   

A caveat... It is far better to be alone than with the wrong company... Just because you follow this blog... Don't think you are missed... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6fsILfvlug

Saturday to Saturday

What a week... Riley, my 12 yr old Chocolate Lab and dog poop connoisseur must have mistaken bad poop for good poop last Saturday... Leading two almost three days of refusal to eat with multiple, ample vomits in the house and an equal number of carpet shampoos... 

Noticing a few of my own health concerns yesterday had me at the VA clinic in the afternoon with a "call if it gets worse" diagnosis I was okay with... Til today... 

But first... On our after breakfast hike this morning... JJ, my 10 yr old Black Lab decided that bathing himself in something dead might be a good way to attract Mormon bitches... Covered in the worst smell I have ever smelled... Got him lifted into the tub on our return home, we both ended up with a bath... 

Still having some health concerns... I called the VA  clinic and left a message... I was greeted by the nurse on the return call with this, "Get to the emergency room!!!" Not believing that lead me to stop again at the VA clinic just to be sure... 

EIRMC Emergency... I have had some issues with them before... But today was great... An IV with two rounds of infused antibiotics and something to reduce inflammation... I feel much better... Total time out of my house (doorbell to doorbell) and with a list of things to do as long as the IV tube... 3hrs... Not bad... 

I didn't get everything done on the list... But... At least I'm not living with a "motivational speaker" anymore... She can call it what she likes... I called it nagging... 

Tomorrow morning at 11am (in case any paparazzi care to show up)  I'll be back at EIRMC for a second round of antibiotic infusion... Hopfully that's all it takes... Saturday to Saturday... I need to go on the road again... 

2007 Thoughts From The Road

Came across this today... I was still living in Upstate NY when I wrote this on my first out of state road trip back in August of 2007... Yes... I edited it... See my comments about talk radio... 

So anyway… What goes through a road comics mind or anyone’s mind during all those hours in the car???

My first stop on this trip was to home of my old Navy buddy Gary, in Toledo, Ohio… It’s more than a coincidence that it was Gary and I who made a cross-country trip from San Diego to Maine and back to San Diego in 1982… 31 states and 10,000 miles in 30 days…

Gas was cheaper back then that’s for sure… The camping is easier now though… Now I’m in a hotel room with a king sized bed… Or sleeping in my car... Then I was in a tent with a sleeping bag on the ground!!!…

The radio for one can certainly effect where your mind wanders off to… I can’t stand talk radio any longer… If I wanted to listen to people argue… I would have stayed married… So it’s usually music, a ballgame or just plain quiet time…

Constantly hitting the seek button as stations faded in and out… There must have been at least a half dozen stations or more of Prairie Home Companion yesterday as I reached the edge of Minnesota… Quick change the station!!!

Just kidding…

The Spanish guitar music I found on a classical station took me back in time again to San Diego and trips to Tijuana… Boots clunking on wooden sidewalks like a scene out of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly… I don’t think I will elaborate on that any further… We’ll stop right there on that thought…

The countryside is beautiful here… And it took some hearty people to settle it… Needless to say most of my sightseeing today will most likely be pioneer/western history associated… But as I thought about it yesterday… I remembered some scenes from the movie Monte Irvin… Originally starring Lee Marvin… The remake stars Tom Selleck… Both versions are excellent…

Anyway… Life on the frontier was changing… Fences were starting to be strung… The Prairie was being tamed… Old cowboy Monte was being asked to change along with it… His mind clouded by a bottle of whiskey… He almost considered it… Coming to his senses he refuses and tells the man asking him to change… “I won’t shit on my life!!!”

A cowboy he was and a cowboy he’d stay… Walking away, he drunkenly takes a buckin’ bronco ride through town to break a horse no one else could ride…

As the end of the movie nears… An old friend sitting on a porch in town spots him riding into to town… As a boy plays with a lasso nearby, already enamored with “playing cowboy”… The man on the porch says to him… “See that guy riding in he’s a “real cowboy”, he’ll teach you to throw that rope”…

To which Monte replies to the boy… “He’ll teach you to throw the rope… He’s a real cowboy, too… He just doesn’t remember being one.” (I might be paraphrasing that)

Asked where he had been, Monte replies… “Driving cattle from Mexico to Canada and getting paid for it…”

Why this long dissertation??? Well, a couple of reasons… One night in Chicago as I sat in the bar sipping a bottle of water before the show… Talking to the guy running the show… He introduced me to the kid who would be the MC that night… “This is Steve”, he said, “He’s a Road Comic.”

Smiling to myself yesterday while on the road, I thought… Yes, I drive from New York to North Dakota to tell jokes… And I get paid for it!!!

To my fellow road comics out there… Yes, the business is changing, but let’s not forget who we are… Watch both versions of the movie…

OK, time to giddy up into the shower and get back on the road…

Rollin’!!! Rollin’!!! Rollin’!!!

Keep those wheels rollin’,       

Get ‘em up!!!

Move ‘em out!!!

Rawhide!!!  

Idios Idaho

Needing to put some coherent thoughts down for a few days now… I am sitting here struggling to start the word flow like an old guy with prostate problems struggles to start a piss…

Almost always the blog title comes first and I write from there… It’s not the case today… We’ll see what title comes when I’m done…

Leaving Tuesday night for a few days in Vegas, then Laughlin, NV over the weekend and Pinetop, AZ next Monday… Continuing to work on putting together a “Biker Bar” tour June – October around already booked work and an invite to the Ventura Comedy Festival in August and September…

As the calendar fills… Another decision looms… My apartment lease runs out the end of July and despite the disappointment it may bring to the ladies of Idaho Falls… I think it’s time to move… It’s time to move out of the comedy Siberia of southeast Idaho… Time to plant myself where there’s real and regular opportunities to perform…

So the discussion centers on where to go and the pros and cons of several places on my list… In no particular order…

Salt Lake City… Yes, there’s a lot of Mormons there… But there is also the big city diversity offered not found in Idaho Falls… There are certainly many more opportunities to perform than in Idaho Falls… But does it significantly cut down on the distance needed to drive for out of town gigs??? I don’t believe it does…

Vegas… Many opportunities to perform… Relatively much shorter drives to gigs in California, Arizona and New Mexico… Similar to Idaho it also offers the dry climate I prefer without the frigid winters… Unless I am on the road… I’d be able to blog from my hammock year round… I’ll spend some time there this week researching pet friendly apartments…

Seattle… The comedy scene on the northwest coast in Washington and Oregon is a happening scene… So there would seem to be many opportunities to perform there… The weather isn’t dry, but the winters are fairly mild… Of course, other things could place Seattle “higher” on the list…

Denver… While not really the mid-west it does put me somewhat closer to gigs in Middle-America… The local and surrounding area does provide ample opportunities to perform… The winters are a bit colder than Seattle’s but not as harsh as those in Idaho or the northeast… And just like Seattle… Other things could place Denver “higher” on the list…    

California always sounds nice… But cost of living… Population density… Traffic… Make it a nice place to visit… But I don’t think I want to live there…

Northeast (NY)… Again… The cost of living… Taxes… Intrusive state government… Horrible winters... And swarms of insects to battle during the humid summers… Makes the northeast also a nice place to visit… But I KNOW I don’t want to live there…

Southern Mid-West… Ample opportunities to perform in a significant radius… Certainly less harsh winters than Northern Mid-West… But heading towards the humidity and insects of the eastern seaboard…

Southeast… Lots of opportunity to perform… Mild to no winters… Humidity and insects every summer…

So there’s a lot to think about and some personal pros and cons not listed here… Decision time is looming… Not moving would only be considered if there’s so much road work booked I don’t have time to move…

Oh and this blog title… “Idios Idaho”…

Tears of a Clown

I hadn’t written a blog since shortly after the New Year, while I was still on the return to Idaho leg of long road trip…

Finished one last week and the voices in my head have been telling me they had more to say…

In last week’s blog I spoke of an older woman who approached me after a show… I won’t re-hash the story again here… If you missed it you can read it here…

But the voices are telling me there are other recent acquaintances who asked some interesting and thought provoking questions…

While discussing my life as a comic… And describing life on the road… I was met with this comment… “It sounds like a lonely life.” Yes, yes it can be… I will refer you an earlier post made by my friend and fellow comic Stu McCallister …

Yes, it can be lonely… But to me… There is no better feeling in the world than coming on stage…

Hey… Don’t judge me!!! It’s exciting on stage!!!

But then just last week… Someone I had met just days earlier looked me in the eye and asked… “Do you ever cry???”

Huh??? Another thought provoking question…

“Do you ever cry??? Do comedians ever cry??? Comedians tell jokes… Are you ever sad???”

I would hope that most of you who know me already also know the answer to that question… But I find the posing of the question in the first place very interesting… Many of you may have already read this – But I offer it here again in response to that question…

While also adding this story with an addendum from this past weekend…

Though it’s a story I thought I had written about before… I can find it nowhere… I know I have told it to at least a few of you… Including the person who asked me if comics cry…

Easter week 2013 I returned to NY for the first time in three years…

Unfortunately, it was to attend the funeral of a beloved uncle… It was good to see family and friends despite the circumstances…

Fortunately, I was also able to visit with the parents of my best friend of 40 something years… A friendship that has survived my years in the Navy… Distance… And time… Paul’s dad had suffered a stroke shortly before my visit… But he was up, alert and very much able to visit… Blessed by the visit… I knew in my heart when I shook his hand and said goodbye that it truly was…

Returning to Idaho… I was visited a few months later… Towards the end of May… By that little voice… Telling me to call Paul… I repeatedly used the 2hr time zone difference as an excuse not to call… Deep inside, I knew… But I didn’t want to hear it…

Last Memorial Day, having spent the day grilling and listening to baseball… I settled in front of my computer about 11pm… Again using the 2hr time zone difference as an excuse not to call… A phone call 30minutes later bringing me to my feet… It was Paul… It was 130am in New York… Exchanging some hellos and a how are you??? In mid-sentence on another subject, Paul shared the news… I already knew…

Tears now streaming both our faces… I told him I had known days earlier… Despite our tears, we marveled again at our connection that despite the 2000mile separation, after 40 something years was as strong as ever…

Both lifelong Baltimore Orioles fans… Paul’s not a Facebook guy… So I looked forward to calling him Sunday from Target Field in Minnesota to say I was at the Orioles/Twins game…

And then it happened again… Checking the box scores a day earlier… Paul said, he had thought of the many hours we spent through the years… Playing, watching and talking baseball… A day later I called from the game…

Yeah, comics cry… But sometimes they are happy tears… Grateful for a friendship that has survived the challenges of distance and time to be as strong as ever… 

Deep Thoughts From My Hammock...

Comedy IS good medicine…

Mildly called to task this morning for “Mormon Bashing” which led to an interesting discussion… Deep thoughts… And sharing of a recent post show happening…

First, I make no apologies for any “religion bashing” that may occur during any exchange with me… Be it face to face… Text… Instant Message… Or comments on a post…

The “Rules” of all religions have certainly done more harm thru the centuries, than any help they may have provided… Yes, I bash Mormons… Most of the audiences I play to now have had it up to their eyeballs with them… 

Personally, I have had it up to my eyeballs also with their sense of moral superiority and knowledge of right and wrong…

But after 12 years of Catholic School… I don’t have a whole lot of good to say about them either… Unfortunately, because I’m currently living in Idaho I don’t get to use that material on stage as often as I’d like… The only Catholics I find here… Only speak “Canadian”… At least they tell me that’s where they are from when they find out I am from Neuva Jork…

But I digress… Recently I did have an opportunity to do some “Catholic Bashing” during a show not in Idaho… The Catholic School material was easily accepted and light heartedly laughed at… Or so I thought… Until coming off stage…

Standing at the bar greeting people after the show… I was timidly approached by an older woman who with tears in her eyes… Felt the need to thank me for “Bashing the Catholics” as she then proceeded to share with me the mental mistreatment she suffered at the hands of Catholic School nuns… 

For at least 50 years she had been carrying that pain around… I was more than a little stunned… All I could think to do was hug her…

“Catholic Bashing”… “Mormon Bashing”… “Religion Bashing”… 

Call it whatever you like… I call it talking about things people have tried to hide in the closet of a Penalty Box (confessional) for too long… Talking about things they were told not to talk about… Talking about things they were told not use their supposedly god given brain to question…

Richard Pryor changed this country by talking about racism… I make no claims to ever have the same effect… 

But comedy IS good medicine… If by making jokes… Yes, even by “Bashing”… I can cause a few people to stop… To think… To question… To change… Then hopefully they in turn can make a few others stop, think, question and change… 

And then maybe as John Lennon said… Maybe then we can “Imagine”…

The only heaven… The only hell… Is what they chose to create here… Maybe, maybe… Just maybe I can get them to think about creating more heaven on earth… And a lot less hell…   

Fuck… Too Deep… 

Life Lessons from the Road

Ok…I’m six weeks into this big adventure and it’s time I shared some thoughts and some thanks… Life Lesson # 1… Gratitude…

To the clubs and bookers who have given me an opportunity to chase this crazy dream… And of course a thanks in advance for future work…

To the fellow comics I have shared stages with these past six weeks… It has been an honor to do what we love together…

In no particular order… Steve McInelly, Kelsey Coles, Brett Crandall, Brent Podosek, Jeff Albright, Eric at Loonees, Ron Ferguson, Owen Straw, Chris Speyrer, Steve Caminiti, John “Gonzo” Means, Dan Conlin, Mike Gardner, JF Harris, Nate Bargetze, Vinnie Paulino, Brian McBride, Artie Fletcher, Tom Anzalone, Doug MacCraw, Entertainment Max, Eric Yoder, Joel Pace, Mike Walter and Tribble Run…

To the people who attend comedy shows… Thank you… Your laughter is why we do this…

Of course, I won’t forget to send a big “High” Five to the people of Colorado…

To the Denny’s in Denver… Thanks for nothing… The nothing that was left in me after two days of battling food poisoning… 

Life Lesson # 2 & 3… Never trust a fart miles from a roadside rest stop and never eat at Denny’s anywhere again… When I need gas I’m pullin’ up to the “Full Service” Pumps… #kum&go

To my beautiful twin sister, Michele and my brother in-law Tom… Thank you for everything… It was a great 3 days… Let’s not wait three years to do it again… Stay warm I know it’s snowing there now…

To my family and friends in Rochester, NY… Tracey, Jeff, Mike, Linda, and Paul, my best friend of 43 yrs… It was only two weeks… But the best two weeks of the whole trip…

To Ted and DeeDee… Thanks again for loving and caring for my boys… The hardest part of this trip has been missing them…  

Life Lesson # 4… Friends and Family are Forever…

Tracey, thanks for the bottle of wine… It made being snowed in on NYE quite enjoyable…

To “Old Man Winter” thanks for making the drive a real adventure at times…

Life Lesson # 5… Always pack food, a blanket and long underwear…  

To “Juan Valdez” thanks for picking those coffee beans… You know you've had too much coffee when you stop to pee and have to go again by the time you walk back to the car...

To my Facebook Friends… Some of you I’ve met… Some of you I have not… Some of you are family… Some of you are not… Thanks to all of you for following along… Texting you, reading and replying to your status updates and comments while driving has helping make the many hours alone in the car not seem so alone…

Life Lesson # 6… Take a chance… Send a friend request to someone you’ve never met… You never know who you might meet…

That’s all for now folk’s…

Overture, curtains, lights,
This is it, the night of nights
No more rehearsing and nursing a part
We know every part by heart
Overture, curtains, lights
This is it, we'll hit the heights
And oh what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it

Tonight what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it