Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Here's To Hair In Your Ears...
Trimming the hair growing out of my ears yesterday… I continued to revile the physical changes age has wrought upon me and mused…
Is it nature’s response to a man’s years of female haranguing??? Is it nature’s way to finally muffle the sound, per say???
Darwinesque thoughts??? Or further proof nature really is a mother??? Since it happens just a few short years before a man finally goes deaf???
Huh, what’s that you say, dear???
Is it nature’s response to a man’s years of female haranguing??? Is it nature’s way to finally muffle the sound, per say???
Darwinesque thoughts??? Or further proof nature really is a mother??? Since it happens just a few short years before a man finally goes deaf???
Huh, what’s that you say, dear???
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Holiday Mess Stress got you down??? Try this sure fire pick me up... I shoulda been a marriage counselor... http://ping.fm/xcU00
Holiday Mess Stress
Holiday Mess Stress…
Ladies is the Holiday Mess of toys, wrapping paper and cookie crumbs causing stress in your relationship???
Is your spouse tired of toys between his toes as he pads to the refrigerator for midnight holiday snack of leftovers???
Why waste time cleaning a mess that will only reappear in minutes…
Guaranteed he’ll never even notice the toys strewn across the floor…
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Conspiracy Theories...
Saddened by yesterday’s terrorist attack at Ft. Hood, Texas... We turn on the TV today only to met with the shocking news of another mass shooting in Orlando...
The spin started quickly last night... As officials scrambled to get our minds off the Ft. Hood shooter’s name and religion... Some officials may also have taken note of the fact that Fox News pre-empted the Glen Beck Show to provide continuing coverage of the tragedy...
Today officials in a quandary were still needed to provide cover of the Muslim angle to the story... Why didn’t the military pick up on this guy’s postings and opinions and do something about him???
Would it be Politically Correct to blame Political Correctness??? The hands of the people who might have done something about it... Effectively tied by the same officials now scrambling to cover the Muslim angle to the story...
In today’s 24hour news cycle... The best way to cover a headline is to provide a new one...
Enter J-Rod into the story... And some of today’s usual moral relevance... You see they’ll say... Even non-Muslims perpetrate heinous acts against innocent people... Was someone whispering in his ear to shoot up his former workplace??? I don’t think we can make that assumption can we...
Most likely he shot it up too early in the day to pre-empt Beck again today... BUT was it copycat act???
Is it enough cover to give officials trying spin over the Muslim angle of the story???
Well, maybe... But today’s shooter was un-employed and bankrupt... So can it be spun back onto the failed stimulus package and the 10.2% unemployment rate???
The only thing we can count on is continued government BS... And then it’ll happen again...
The spin started quickly last night... As officials scrambled to get our minds off the Ft. Hood shooter’s name and religion... Some officials may also have taken note of the fact that Fox News pre-empted the Glen Beck Show to provide continuing coverage of the tragedy...
Today officials in a quandary were still needed to provide cover of the Muslim angle to the story... Why didn’t the military pick up on this guy’s postings and opinions and do something about him???
Would it be Politically Correct to blame Political Correctness??? The hands of the people who might have done something about it... Effectively tied by the same officials now scrambling to cover the Muslim angle to the story...
In today’s 24hour news cycle... The best way to cover a headline is to provide a new one...
Enter J-Rod into the story... And some of today’s usual moral relevance... You see they’ll say... Even non-Muslims perpetrate heinous acts against innocent people... Was someone whispering in his ear to shoot up his former workplace??? I don’t think we can make that assumption can we...
Most likely he shot it up too early in the day to pre-empt Beck again today... BUT was it copycat act???
Is it enough cover to give officials trying spin over the Muslim angle of the story???
Well, maybe... But today’s shooter was un-employed and bankrupt... So can it be spun back onto the failed stimulus package and the 10.2% unemployment rate???
The only thing we can count on is continued government BS... And then it’ll happen again...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Don't Tell Me...
I keep hearing you're concerned about my happiness
But all that thought you're giving me is conscience, I guess
If I were walking in your shoes I wouldn't worry none
While you and your friends are worrying 'bout me, I'm having lots of fun
Drinking Red Bull and climbing the walls
That don't bother me at all
I’m blogging till dawn with the World Series 1 to 1
Eating cheetos and watching Internet Porn
So don't tell me I've nothing to do
Dressed in coveralls… I look just like that Homer Simpson clown
As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this comic down
So please don't give a thought to me I'm really doing fine
You can always find me here and having quite a time
Don’t forget tonight’s the end of daylight saving time
Drinking Red Bull and climbing the walls
That don't bother me at all
I’m blogging till dawn with the World Series 1 to 1
Eating cheetos and watching Internet Porn
So don't tell me I've nothing to do
Shaving once a week, I know I look a fright
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light
‘Cuz I’m working nights
“DO NOT DISTURB” hanging on the door…
I’m sleeping all day long… But always needing more
My shoes are no longer accustomed to the hard concrete
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete
Drinking Red Bull and climbing the walls
That don't bother me at all
I’m blogging till dawn with the World Series 1 to 1
Eating cheetos and watching Internet Porn
So don't tell me I've nothing to do
But all that thought you're giving me is conscience, I guess
If I were walking in your shoes I wouldn't worry none
While you and your friends are worrying 'bout me, I'm having lots of fun
Drinking Red Bull and climbing the walls
That don't bother me at all
I’m blogging till dawn with the World Series 1 to 1
Eating cheetos and watching Internet Porn
So don't tell me I've nothing to do
Dressed in coveralls… I look just like that Homer Simpson clown
As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this comic down
So please don't give a thought to me I'm really doing fine
You can always find me here and having quite a time
Don’t forget tonight’s the end of daylight saving time
Drinking Red Bull and climbing the walls
That don't bother me at all
I’m blogging till dawn with the World Series 1 to 1
Eating cheetos and watching Internet Porn
So don't tell me I've nothing to do
Shaving once a week, I know I look a fright
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light
‘Cuz I’m working nights
“DO NOT DISTURB” hanging on the door…
I’m sleeping all day long… But always needing more
My shoes are no longer accustomed to the hard concrete
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete
Drinking Red Bull and climbing the walls
That don't bother me at all
I’m blogging till dawn with the World Series 1 to 1
Eating cheetos and watching Internet Porn
So don't tell me I've nothing to do
Shine on Halloween Moon
Pultneyville, NY 2107… Sitting on Lake Road just west of the Hamlet of Pultneyville in the Town of Williamson, NY, Lakeside Cemetery is the final resting place of many interesting and colorful characters, from 18th and19th century Pultneyville Mariners, Civil War heroes, and hard working regular folks who forged a living from the land at a time when Pultneyville was still considered the western edge of the American frontier, to some of the newer residents including the famous author Eileen Loveman, who past away at the ripe old age of one hundred and twenty.
The spare parts she gleaned from her four children added many years to her life. Several of Eileen’s many books had even become the basis of some Hollywood movies. Eileen is buried beside her husband, Steve ”The Nuclear Guy” Natarelli, a well known nationally, touring comedian.
While fulfilling his life long dream of filming a live TV special for HBO, Steve’s life had been tragically ended onstage, while telling jokes about his ex-wife’s fat ass.
Shot by his ex-wife… “As she screamed, RUINED YOUR LIFE??? RUINED YOUR LIFE???? You think my fat ass is funny??? You want a blowjob??? How about if I just blow you away, Asshole!!!”
Taken away kicking and screaming she was sent to a gulag in Siberia, sentenced to becoming a vegetarian, she didn’t eat meat, but had no limit on Oreos. She was never heard from again.
The comedy world mourned the loss of Steve “The Nuclear Guy” and each year since his death they have held an Annual Ex-Wife Bash in his honor on the anniversary of his death.
The Pultneyville Historical Society Annual Halloween evening tours had grown through the years into a time when the locals could come to learn some history and visit a long gone relative or two, with many people through the years, even traveling from the nearby city of Rochester to partake of the festivities.
Guided through the cemetery by a member of the Historical Society, the visitors are met along the path by some of the Lakeside Cemetery’s more colorful inhabitants, played of course by other members of the Historical society.
Never a frightful Halloween event, the evening tours through the cemetery had always been considered a wholesome and safe family event and though the candles used to light the path had long ago been replaced by flashlights, the tradition of the evening tours that has continued strong all these years now seems threatened to finally becoming to an end... Not an end to the Halloween tradition of visiting the cemetery... But no longer are the crowds satisfied with seeing someone in costume playing a ghost.
For some strange and unexplainable things have begun to happen as the now huge crowds have filed in. Several witnesses have reported seeing the gravestone of Steve “The Nuclear Guy” Natarelli begin to glow an eerie, radioactive green against the pitch, black darkness of the late October evening sky.
Drawn to the light, the large crowds approach eagerly, but it’s not a member of the Pultneyville Historical Society they find there. Soon they are consumed by uncontrollable laughter and an inability to breath, for it’s truly the ghost of Steve “The Nuclear Guy” Natarelli!!!
Awakened from his slumber by the gathering of people, the numbers of which he had never seen while on stage... He never could resist an audience...
Well, summer’s over... It’s kind of depressing isn’t it??? It’s not all bad, though… How many people have kids away at college??? How many of you at least THOUGHT about doing it on the kitchen table the day they left???
How many Italians do we have here tonight??? You know a lot of people ask me if doing comedy is hard... I tell 'em... Minga, my last name is Natarelli... I grew up thinking it was normal to talk loud and draw attention to myself.
I really loved my grandmother... I think I'm going to grow a moustache... So I look just like her. (She told me when I got here, she never really liked that one.)
The whole time we'd be waiting in line ...SISTER MARY MISERABLE would be marching up and down telling us, if we talked in church we'd go to hell ...I always wanted to ask her ...Then why don't you SHUT THE FUCK UP??? You haven't stopped talking since we got here!!! (She’s still talking and guess what??? SHE AIN’T UP HERE!!!)
YEAH, I GOT SOME FUCKIN’ ISSUES... But talking in church ain’t one of ‘em... I've spent my time in hell ...I was in the nuclear power business for 30 years.
Elections are coming so health care is back in the news… We better hope laughter really is the best medicine… If we expect the politicians to do anything about it… Hell, the Democrats are letting Nurse Nancy Ratchet write the healthcare bill…
Do you think the Democrats really care whether you live or die??? Hell, dead people vote for the Democrats every election!!! What’s that tell ya???
Guys, you want your wife to get up early and fix breakfast before you leave for work in the morning??? Write a will... I’ve had bacon & eggs with a side of chest pains every morning, after I wrote mine...
How many people here tonight… Are from Wayne County??? You know sometimes all I have to do is SAY Wayne County to get a laugh... I wish comedy was always that easy...
Consider the irony of building a nuclear power plant in… Wayne County… Where the only thing anybody understands about the theory of relativity is... Everybody’s a FUCKIN’ RELATIVE!!!
I wanted to diversify the gene pool... So my wife was from Long Island… Her mother didn’t appreciate it when I offered to put in-law accommodations in our barn... What, sleeping on straw with smelly animals was… Ok, for the Baby Jesus... But was NOT OK for my mother in-law???
But the Mormons have this Bigamy thing going for them, too... Talk about hell on earth... I MEAN COME ON GUYS HOW MANY WIVES DO WE REALLY NEED TO TELL US HOW TO CHANGE A FUCKIN' LIGHT BULB??? It ain’t nuclear physics, btw!!!
I'm drinkin' tonite, because my wife is driving... Drivin’ me FUCKIN’ CRAZY!!!
When I was younger I never wanted kids... But now that I’m dead I can appreciate the importance of having a house full of them... ‘Cuz ya never know when you gonna need a spare part... NO!!! Not that part!!! I mean a kidney... Or a lung... Have enough kids... You might live forever...
I was screwed... All my kids were step kids… Their organs didn’t match... My wife got the kidney, the lung AND ALL THE MONEY!!!
So I told him I had three dogs... He said, “Do you breed dogs???” I said not unless you count when I was doing my ex-wife... She was a bitch!!!
I remember one Saturday morning I got up... The house was a madhouse... Dog barkin’, kid screamin’... All I wanted was the milk for my cheerios... But when my ex-wife bent over to get something from the refrigerator... I said, “YOU FAT ASS, YOU RUINED MY FUCKIN' LIFE!!!”
Slaying them with jokes… He kills them with laughter from the grave, as his ghost dances with his light sabre in hand like a hologram across the evening sky.
Laughing loud enough to wake the rest of the dead, the crowd roars in approval as Steve wonders aloud, who says you can’t do a gig outside??? If you’re gonna die laughing... Ya might as well do it here!!!
As the show draws to a close Steve thanks them for coming... Never one to over play an audience, he invites them back next year...
'Cuz you know what they say... Once you've had BLACK LAB... YOU ALWAYS COME BACK!!!
The spare parts she gleaned from her four children added many years to her life. Several of Eileen’s many books had even become the basis of some Hollywood movies. Eileen is buried beside her husband, Steve ”The Nuclear Guy” Natarelli, a well known nationally, touring comedian.
While fulfilling his life long dream of filming a live TV special for HBO, Steve’s life had been tragically ended onstage, while telling jokes about his ex-wife’s fat ass.
Shot by his ex-wife… “As she screamed, RUINED YOUR LIFE??? RUINED YOUR LIFE???? You think my fat ass is funny??? You want a blowjob??? How about if I just blow you away, Asshole!!!”
Taken away kicking and screaming she was sent to a gulag in Siberia, sentenced to becoming a vegetarian, she didn’t eat meat, but had no limit on Oreos. She was never heard from again.
The comedy world mourned the loss of Steve “The Nuclear Guy” and each year since his death they have held an Annual Ex-Wife Bash in his honor on the anniversary of his death.
The Pultneyville Historical Society Annual Halloween evening tours had grown through the years into a time when the locals could come to learn some history and visit a long gone relative or two, with many people through the years, even traveling from the nearby city of Rochester to partake of the festivities.
Guided through the cemetery by a member of the Historical Society, the visitors are met along the path by some of the Lakeside Cemetery’s more colorful inhabitants, played of course by other members of the Historical society.
Never a frightful Halloween event, the evening tours through the cemetery had always been considered a wholesome and safe family event and though the candles used to light the path had long ago been replaced by flashlights, the tradition of the evening tours that has continued strong all these years now seems threatened to finally becoming to an end... Not an end to the Halloween tradition of visiting the cemetery... But no longer are the crowds satisfied with seeing someone in costume playing a ghost.
For some strange and unexplainable things have begun to happen as the now huge crowds have filed in. Several witnesses have reported seeing the gravestone of Steve “The Nuclear Guy” Natarelli begin to glow an eerie, radioactive green against the pitch, black darkness of the late October evening sky.
Drawn to the light, the large crowds approach eagerly, but it’s not a member of the Pultneyville Historical Society they find there. Soon they are consumed by uncontrollable laughter and an inability to breath, for it’s truly the ghost of Steve “The Nuclear Guy” Natarelli!!!
Awakened from his slumber by the gathering of people, the numbers of which he had never seen while on stage... He never could resist an audience...
Well, summer’s over... It’s kind of depressing isn’t it??? It’s not all bad, though… How many people have kids away at college??? How many of you at least THOUGHT about doing it on the kitchen table the day they left???
How many Italians do we have here tonight??? You know a lot of people ask me if doing comedy is hard... I tell 'em... Minga, my last name is Natarelli... I grew up thinking it was normal to talk loud and draw attention to myself.
I really loved my grandmother... I think I'm going to grow a moustache... So I look just like her. (She told me when I got here, she never really liked that one.)
The whole time we'd be waiting in line ...SISTER MARY MISERABLE would be marching up and down telling us, if we talked in church we'd go to hell ...I always wanted to ask her ...Then why don't you SHUT THE FUCK UP??? You haven't stopped talking since we got here!!! (She’s still talking and guess what??? SHE AIN’T UP HERE!!!)
YEAH, I GOT SOME FUCKIN’ ISSUES... But talking in church ain’t one of ‘em... I've spent my time in hell ...I was in the nuclear power business for 30 years.
Elections are coming so health care is back in the news… We better hope laughter really is the best medicine… If we expect the politicians to do anything about it… Hell, the Democrats are letting Nurse Nancy Ratchet write the healthcare bill…
Do you think the Democrats really care whether you live or die??? Hell, dead people vote for the Democrats every election!!! What’s that tell ya???
Guys, you want your wife to get up early and fix breakfast before you leave for work in the morning??? Write a will... I’ve had bacon & eggs with a side of chest pains every morning, after I wrote mine...
How many people here tonight… Are from Wayne County??? You know sometimes all I have to do is SAY Wayne County to get a laugh... I wish comedy was always that easy...
Consider the irony of building a nuclear power plant in… Wayne County… Where the only thing anybody understands about the theory of relativity is... Everybody’s a FUCKIN’ RELATIVE!!!
I wanted to diversify the gene pool... So my wife was from Long Island… Her mother didn’t appreciate it when I offered to put in-law accommodations in our barn... What, sleeping on straw with smelly animals was… Ok, for the Baby Jesus... But was NOT OK for my mother in-law???
But the Mormons have this Bigamy thing going for them, too... Talk about hell on earth... I MEAN COME ON GUYS HOW MANY WIVES DO WE REALLY NEED TO TELL US HOW TO CHANGE A FUCKIN' LIGHT BULB??? It ain’t nuclear physics, btw!!!
I'm drinkin' tonite, because my wife is driving... Drivin’ me FUCKIN’ CRAZY!!!
When I was younger I never wanted kids... But now that I’m dead I can appreciate the importance of having a house full of them... ‘Cuz ya never know when you gonna need a spare part... NO!!! Not that part!!! I mean a kidney... Or a lung... Have enough kids... You might live forever...
I was screwed... All my kids were step kids… Their organs didn’t match... My wife got the kidney, the lung AND ALL THE MONEY!!!
So I told him I had three dogs... He said, “Do you breed dogs???” I said not unless you count when I was doing my ex-wife... She was a bitch!!!
I remember one Saturday morning I got up... The house was a madhouse... Dog barkin’, kid screamin’... All I wanted was the milk for my cheerios... But when my ex-wife bent over to get something from the refrigerator... I said, “YOU FAT ASS, YOU RUINED MY FUCKIN' LIFE!!!”
Slaying them with jokes… He kills them with laughter from the grave, as his ghost dances with his light sabre in hand like a hologram across the evening sky.
Laughing loud enough to wake the rest of the dead, the crowd roars in approval as Steve wonders aloud, who says you can’t do a gig outside??? If you’re gonna die laughing... Ya might as well do it here!!!
As the show draws to a close Steve thanks them for coming... Never one to over play an audience, he invites them back next year...
'Cuz you know what they say... Once you've had BLACK LAB... YOU ALWAYS COME BACK!!!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Gales of November Came Early
The wind has finally subsided tonight as I sit to write this and while the skies are still gray… It blew pretty hard off the lake for the past few days while this blog was fermenting in my mind… The forecast for the weekend is showing some promise…
Checking my calendar I am staring at a short window of time to get the house and yard ready for the Lake Ontario winter weather… I’ll be heading to western Pennsylvania for three weeks of nuclear contract work the middle of this month and hope to have everything finished before I leave… Kind of hard to do when the weather says stay inside…
Sadly, I did manage get outside long enough put my boat and motor (floating chair and beer cooler) away for the winter… In western NY now, it looks like we’ll have to endure another long season of beers watching the Bills make the same mistakes week after week, while we scream drunken F-Bombs at our TV’s…
Home from a successful weekend at the Warwick, RI Comedy Zone… The early arrival of the Gales of November with their accompanying gray skies and my mood has been just as gray… Funny thing about this crazy life I have adopted… It’s always the next show I find myself looking towards… But a light November and December schedule accompanied by high winds and rainy weather blew most of the good feelings from last weekend away…
If I had been busy outside there’d have been less time to ruminate on the light schedule… Well, maybe staying inside really was a case of heavenly intervention to put me in the right place (in front of my computer) at the right time… As I’ve added three shows today… The most interesting of which may prove to be the strip club in Bedford, NH I’m booked to headline November 6th… Can’t wait to blog about that one!!!
I’ll be booking and taking along my own feature act that night… So now we’ll see who actually reads my blogs…
The calendar is still far from full, but there’s some hope now, of more work coming my way from several bookers on a regular basis soon…
And that gray mood that arrived with the early Gales of November???
That’s been blown away quicker than a stripper…
And something tells me the title of this blog shouldn’t really be “….Came Early”.
Checking my calendar I am staring at a short window of time to get the house and yard ready for the Lake Ontario winter weather… I’ll be heading to western Pennsylvania for three weeks of nuclear contract work the middle of this month and hope to have everything finished before I leave… Kind of hard to do when the weather says stay inside…
Sadly, I did manage get outside long enough put my boat and motor (floating chair and beer cooler) away for the winter… In western NY now, it looks like we’ll have to endure another long season of beers watching the Bills make the same mistakes week after week, while we scream drunken F-Bombs at our TV’s…
Home from a successful weekend at the Warwick, RI Comedy Zone… The early arrival of the Gales of November with their accompanying gray skies and my mood has been just as gray… Funny thing about this crazy life I have adopted… It’s always the next show I find myself looking towards… But a light November and December schedule accompanied by high winds and rainy weather blew most of the good feelings from last weekend away…
If I had been busy outside there’d have been less time to ruminate on the light schedule… Well, maybe staying inside really was a case of heavenly intervention to put me in the right place (in front of my computer) at the right time… As I’ve added three shows today… The most interesting of which may prove to be the strip club in Bedford, NH I’m booked to headline November 6th… Can’t wait to blog about that one!!!
I’ll be booking and taking along my own feature act that night… So now we’ll see who actually reads my blogs…
The calendar is still far from full, but there’s some hope now, of more work coming my way from several bookers on a regular basis soon…
And that gray mood that arrived with the early Gales of November???
That’s been blown away quicker than a stripper…
And something tells me the title of this blog shouldn’t really be “….Came Early”.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Continuing Life Lessons...
Ok, fresh from rocking the house at the Comedy Zone in Warwick, RI with Headliner Tony Tone last night…I’m back from the hotel breakfast buffet and ready to pontificate… Maybe I should just regurgitate after all the food I just ate???
I’ll definitely be heading to the hotel fitness room for some time on the treadmill when I finish checking with all of you… If I go now I’m liable to get a cramp, as they say…
Two more shows tonight 8pm and 10pm… I’ll need a nap this afternoon, too… Because tonight I intend on pushing against the edges of the envelope… I don’t think I’ll tear it… But it might not return to its normal shape after the stretching I am prepared to give it…
On Sunday’s drive home I’m planning a stop at the Submarine museum in Groton, CT… while I would love to spend some time there with Eileen… I think it will be an interesting walk back in time for me to make alone, too…
I’ve written a few pieces about my service time… Looking back now it’s interesting to see it from the perspective of time… A lifetime ago… We were young, cocksure and immortal then… I look back now forgetting the hardships and remembering it as some of the best times of my life…
Though the comedy calendar for the rest of the year is a bit sparse… The constant battle to keep it as full and profitable as possible being probably the major outside source of the stress I spoke about yesterday…Admittedly the rest comes from the stress I add myself… Internalized stress can eat up… Luckily for me I’ve never been one to hold much of it in… I don’t think Eileen always feels lucky about that though… Maybe that’s why she bought me a big suitcase for Christmas last year… J
Venting it unconstructively though hasn’t much helped reduce it… So tonight I plan on channeling it to the outer edges of the proverbial envelope I spoke about earlier…
I do have a gig booked at The Polish Club in Herkimer, NY Booked by Headliner Don Adams, a one time Herkimer resident now living in Florida… We’ll be working with Jon Hausman as the MC… It should be a fun show.
October 13 – November 3 will find me at the Beaver Valley Nuclear Power Plant for three weeks of contract work… While I’m looking forward to the nice pay checks that accompany it… I had to opt out of two gigs previously booked… L
November 13 – 14 is the Grand Opening Weekend of the new Bonkerz Comedy Club at the Hampton Inn in Colchester, VT… I’ll be opening three shows for Headliner Artie Fletcher and I’m pretty excited about that…
November 21 finds me closer to home at the Livonia, NY Volunteer Fire Department Annual Awards Dinner with Dan Maslyn… I love those kinds of shows and December 18 I’ll be doing another for the Mahopac, NY Volunteer Fire Department Christmas Party with Mike “Mack” McKenna and MC Eileen Loveman!!!
Yes, she’s sleeping with me for stage time… Ok, it’s out there now for the world to see… No sense hiding it… I just wish she didn’t snore…
So while there are a lot of open dates on the calendar… The ones that are filled, promise to be fun filled and I’ll continue to try and fill some more open dates… Bookers are you reading this??? Maybe we’ll take a trip to NYC after the show in Carmel, NY???
Though the weekend before Christmas in NYC might not be as low stress as I might be hoping for…
Thanks for stopping by…
I’ll definitely be heading to the hotel fitness room for some time on the treadmill when I finish checking with all of you… If I go now I’m liable to get a cramp, as they say…
Two more shows tonight 8pm and 10pm… I’ll need a nap this afternoon, too… Because tonight I intend on pushing against the edges of the envelope… I don’t think I’ll tear it… But it might not return to its normal shape after the stretching I am prepared to give it…
On Sunday’s drive home I’m planning a stop at the Submarine museum in Groton, CT… while I would love to spend some time there with Eileen… I think it will be an interesting walk back in time for me to make alone, too…
I’ve written a few pieces about my service time… Looking back now it’s interesting to see it from the perspective of time… A lifetime ago… We were young, cocksure and immortal then… I look back now forgetting the hardships and remembering it as some of the best times of my life…
Though the comedy calendar for the rest of the year is a bit sparse… The constant battle to keep it as full and profitable as possible being probably the major outside source of the stress I spoke about yesterday…Admittedly the rest comes from the stress I add myself… Internalized stress can eat up… Luckily for me I’ve never been one to hold much of it in… I don’t think Eileen always feels lucky about that though… Maybe that’s why she bought me a big suitcase for Christmas last year… J
Venting it unconstructively though hasn’t much helped reduce it… So tonight I plan on channeling it to the outer edges of the proverbial envelope I spoke about earlier…
I do have a gig booked at The Polish Club in Herkimer, NY Booked by Headliner Don Adams, a one time Herkimer resident now living in Florida… We’ll be working with Jon Hausman as the MC… It should be a fun show.
October 13 – November 3 will find me at the Beaver Valley Nuclear Power Plant for three weeks of contract work… While I’m looking forward to the nice pay checks that accompany it… I had to opt out of two gigs previously booked… L
November 13 – 14 is the Grand Opening Weekend of the new Bonkerz Comedy Club at the Hampton Inn in Colchester, VT… I’ll be opening three shows for Headliner Artie Fletcher and I’m pretty excited about that…
November 21 finds me closer to home at the Livonia, NY Volunteer Fire Department Annual Awards Dinner with Dan Maslyn… I love those kinds of shows and December 18 I’ll be doing another for the Mahopac, NY Volunteer Fire Department Christmas Party with Mike “Mack” McKenna and MC Eileen Loveman!!!
Yes, she’s sleeping with me for stage time… Ok, it’s out there now for the world to see… No sense hiding it… I just wish she didn’t snore…
So while there are a lot of open dates on the calendar… The ones that are filled, promise to be fun filled and I’ll continue to try and fill some more open dates… Bookers are you reading this??? Maybe we’ll take a trip to NYC after the show in Carmel, NY???
Though the weekend before Christmas in NYC might not be as low stress as I might be hoping for…
Thanks for stopping by…
Friday, September 25, 2009
Life Lessons from the Road
Boldly promising a blog by the end of the weekend today… Forces me to sit myself before my laptop now in an effort to begin the search for coherent thoughts that can be linked together… Lately the pace I’ve been trying to maintain has blocked much of that effort…
Constantly working the email lines to try to keep my calendar filled, obviously keeps me on the road when I’m successful… When I am home I’m trying to keep up with yard work and other chores that have been “piling up”…
There have been lots of fleeting thoughts zinging through the empty space between my ears… They usually appear while I’m doing 70mph… I’ve even managed to add a few new jokes to some of bits…
But am I having enough coherent thoughts to link together into a blog??? Granted sometimes I’m tired and maybe a little road weary… It’s easy then to say… “Well, I’ll write it later”… But when you’re packing up the car every morning during a string of one-nighter’s… Sometimes later doesn’t come…
This weekend I’m in Warwick, Rhode Island for Comedy Zone… Friday and Saturday three shows… I won’t have to pack the car again until Sunday… It’s my first time performing in Rhode Island and my first time working for Comedy Zone… So though I’ll need a nap shortly before getting ready I thought I’d at least start a blog… Maybe it’ll be a “to be continued” weekend project???
Stopping in Schenectady, NY Wednesday night for a Comic Syndrome open mic at The Union Inn on my way to Rhode Island it was good to see some familiar faces…
The place was full and though most of the patrons weren’t there initially to see comedy… They paid surprisingly good attention to most of the show… It turned out to be a fun evening… One I certainly needed…
I titled this “Life Lessons from the Road” because spending a lot of time alone in my car lately has given me time to reflect on a lot of things… Sometimes the hardest lessons are the ones we learn about ourselves…
Especially during times of stress… Sometimes the stress may be only coming from inside us… Sometimes it’s outside forces and other pressures… Sometimes it’s a combination… How we respond to it will determine what we learn from it…
Long hours alone in the car eventually leave no where to hide from our thoughts… Honest reflection makes things painfully honest where a tune up is needed… It usually ain’t “the other guy” who needs it…
The Bible says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.” I’m paraphrasing, but sometimes we need to remember to think about what is really important… Forgetting that sometimes opens the door to a lot of extra stress we don’t need… There’s enough out there already… And this is enough blog already…
Actually the path I was going to take this thought just detoured out of my head… So it must mean it is time for a pre-game nap, some exercise, a shave & shower… And its SHOWTIME!!!
I’ll be back later… Ya’ll come back later, too…
Constantly working the email lines to try to keep my calendar filled, obviously keeps me on the road when I’m successful… When I am home I’m trying to keep up with yard work and other chores that have been “piling up”…
There have been lots of fleeting thoughts zinging through the empty space between my ears… They usually appear while I’m doing 70mph… I’ve even managed to add a few new jokes to some of bits…
But am I having enough coherent thoughts to link together into a blog??? Granted sometimes I’m tired and maybe a little road weary… It’s easy then to say… “Well, I’ll write it later”… But when you’re packing up the car every morning during a string of one-nighter’s… Sometimes later doesn’t come…
This weekend I’m in Warwick, Rhode Island for Comedy Zone… Friday and Saturday three shows… I won’t have to pack the car again until Sunday… It’s my first time performing in Rhode Island and my first time working for Comedy Zone… So though I’ll need a nap shortly before getting ready I thought I’d at least start a blog… Maybe it’ll be a “to be continued” weekend project???
Stopping in Schenectady, NY Wednesday night for a Comic Syndrome open mic at The Union Inn on my way to Rhode Island it was good to see some familiar faces…
The place was full and though most of the patrons weren’t there initially to see comedy… They paid surprisingly good attention to most of the show… It turned out to be a fun evening… One I certainly needed…
I titled this “Life Lessons from the Road” because spending a lot of time alone in my car lately has given me time to reflect on a lot of things… Sometimes the hardest lessons are the ones we learn about ourselves…
Especially during times of stress… Sometimes the stress may be only coming from inside us… Sometimes it’s outside forces and other pressures… Sometimes it’s a combination… How we respond to it will determine what we learn from it…
Long hours alone in the car eventually leave no where to hide from our thoughts… Honest reflection makes things painfully honest where a tune up is needed… It usually ain’t “the other guy” who needs it…
The Bible says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.” I’m paraphrasing, but sometimes we need to remember to think about what is really important… Forgetting that sometimes opens the door to a lot of extra stress we don’t need… There’s enough out there already… And this is enough blog already…
Actually the path I was going to take this thought just detoured out of my head… So it must mean it is time for a pre-game nap, some exercise, a shave & shower… And its SHOWTIME!!!
I’ll be back later… Ya’ll come back later, too…
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Wayne County Scream Your Head Off News!!!
Pultneyville – We interrupt your regularly scheduled day with this breaking news!!!
Emergency workers responding in Pultneyville today found themselves part of a grizzly scene… According to the lone survivor of the event… Five adults, three dogs and a cat were eaten alive by a two inch, crazed field mouse… The mouse is still on the loose and considered to be dangerous… Please exercise caution and be sure to scream loudly, if you happen to sight the renegade mouse…
The lone survivor of this horrific event… A Long Island woman named Alice, who saved herself by jumping onto a kitchen counter… Unable to reach the phone to call 911… She summoned emergency workers to her home by emitting the most blood-curdling scream heard in the history of Wayne County emergency services…
Taking a page from the fishermen at the nearby marina describing the fish that got away… The Long Island woman described the mouse as ten feet long, with glistening white teeth… “The better to eat you with, my dear”, she claimed the mouse had told her…
While not directly involved in the attack Alice’s husband suffered a mild heart attack upon hearing her screams… But is now resting comfortably behind a sound proof door…
Now back to the war in Afghanistan…
Emergency workers responding in Pultneyville today found themselves part of a grizzly scene… According to the lone survivor of the event… Five adults, three dogs and a cat were eaten alive by a two inch, crazed field mouse… The mouse is still on the loose and considered to be dangerous… Please exercise caution and be sure to scream loudly, if you happen to sight the renegade mouse…
The lone survivor of this horrific event… A Long Island woman named Alice, who saved herself by jumping onto a kitchen counter… Unable to reach the phone to call 911… She summoned emergency workers to her home by emitting the most blood-curdling scream heard in the history of Wayne County emergency services…
Taking a page from the fishermen at the nearby marina describing the fish that got away… The Long Island woman described the mouse as ten feet long, with glistening white teeth… “The better to eat you with, my dear”, she claimed the mouse had told her…
While not directly involved in the attack Alice’s husband suffered a mild heart attack upon hearing her screams… But is now resting comfortably behind a sound proof door…
Now back to the war in Afghanistan…
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Laughing with the Fishes
Slightly disappointed at the postponement to record my first full length DVD "Expecting Criticality @ Anytime"... The holiday weekend and the Ginna Station refueling outage making a significant dent in the prospective attendance... I spent last weekend celebrating the birth of another grandchild and enjoying some more of our late arriving summer weather... And look forward to rescheduling that show as soon as possible.
Reviewing and rehearsing material for the Sunday September 6th “Night of Stars” show out on my deck today, speaking against the gentle waves of Lake Ontario, I was reminded of Demosthenes (384-322B.C.), the famous Greek orator.
He had placed pebbles in his mouth and while standing on the cliffs of the Grecian seashore, practiced his oratory skills against the pounding waves of the Mediterranean Sea.
While I didn’t have any pebbles this morning, the bowl of Quaker Oatmeal Squares I’m sure proved to be a healthier cereal choice.
Rather than dying in prison or at the hands of his political enemies, Demosthene ended his life with suicide by poison in 322 B.C. asking his pursuers to let his body swim with the fishes rather than burying him.
Sunday’s show is almost sold out and I’m excited about the opportunity to be a part of this star-studded performance…
Obama’s Brown Shirts aren’t here to carry me away yet, so I’m not planning suicide…
But rehearing against the waves of Lake Ontario this morning was like fishing with dynamite… I was killing ‘em!!!
Reviewing and rehearsing material for the Sunday September 6th “Night of Stars” show out on my deck today, speaking against the gentle waves of Lake Ontario, I was reminded of Demosthenes (384-322B.C.), the famous Greek orator.
He had placed pebbles in his mouth and while standing on the cliffs of the Grecian seashore, practiced his oratory skills against the pounding waves of the Mediterranean Sea.
While I didn’t have any pebbles this morning, the bowl of Quaker Oatmeal Squares I’m sure proved to be a healthier cereal choice.
Rather than dying in prison or at the hands of his political enemies, Demosthene ended his life with suicide by poison in 322 B.C. asking his pursuers to let his body swim with the fishes rather than burying him.
Sunday’s show is almost sold out and I’m excited about the opportunity to be a part of this star-studded performance…
Obama’s Brown Shirts aren’t here to carry me away yet, so I’m not planning suicide…
But rehearing against the waves of Lake Ontario this morning was like fishing with dynamite… I was killing ‘em!!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I'm NOT a number!!!
Well, folks we’re winding down the summer and planning on ending it with a bang…
This Friday night at 9pm, I’m in Redfield, NY at The Reservoir Inn with Tom Myers, Ron Bender and Eric Kirkland…
Thursday, August 27th at 930pm I’ll be appearing at Chet Wild’s Comedy Showcase at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY… A comedy extravaganza of 15 comics including the return of Mike “The Pickle” Dambra to the Rochester comedy scene… Welcome home, Mike!!!
Then Saturday, August 29th at 9pm, I’ll be in North Rose, NY at Waypoint with Mike Burns and Cal Verduchi…
These shows promise to be a great time and outstanding lead-in for the Steve “The Nuclear Guy” Expecting Criticality @ Anytime DVD Bash… Sunday, September 6th 730pm at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY…
We’ll be producing my first full length DVD… We’re planning on a three-camera shoot, with plenty of audience reaction shots… So come on out and be a part of it… With Host Dan Maslyn plus Special Guests Tizo Maduro and Tim Shea… This show is sure to be a Nuclear Holocaust of Laughter…
I know my recent posts have been nothing more than a regurgitating of my upcoming calendar… I admit the grind of the road had stifled some of my creative juices for coming up with anything new… Instead the times I might have had to write I was content to mindlessly surf the Internet…
But I’m learning to take inspiration from where ever I can find it…
Yesterday, I got some… Though not necessarily positive inspiration, I will say considering the source, it’s not surprising it’s of the negative variety… There’s just always going to be people who just take themselves a little too seriously… Luckily, for the rest of the world… God created comedians to make fun of these miserable bags of wind…
But for now I’ll digress to set the stage for you…
When first discussing a date for my DVD Bash, I picked September 6th since it was to be the day after my 35th High School Reunion… Many of my high school classmates would be returning to the Rochester area for the Labor Day Holiday Weekend to attend the reunion and hopefully the DVD Bash as well…
Creating an event on Classmates.com I began promoting the show right along side the upcoming reunion… I also sent emails to those classmates I had an active email address for…
A few weeks ago, while touring the Midwest… I received a mass email from the reunion organizers that due to poor response the reunion had been cancelled… At the time I postulated that since it was our 35th reunion maybe too many of us were already dead… Some I think have never learned to live…
A few days ago another mass email arrived stating that some classmates were organizing an un-official reunion for the same night Saturday, September 5th at a local establishment in Greece, NY… Great!!! I replied I would plan on attending, also forwarding to all recipients a reminder about my DVD Bash the following day…
This included an email address specifically set up for classmates to connect with each other… Per the email contained below explaining that to me…
“Please do not send any more such emails to this address. It was not set up to provide support for your side line, it was designed so classmates had a central place to maintain connection with.“
John C.
Well, as I stated earlier God created comedians to make fun of miserable bags of wind who have never learned to live… So let me remind you, John that… One, I am/was a classmate… Two, I was making a connection… Three, sideline is one word… Sister Mary Miserable must have missed your knuckles with her ruler the day we learned to spell that word… Three, it’s not a sideline… It’s how I make my living… I’ve been on tour all over the country… While you’ve been in Rochester obviously feeling bitter and rotten…
I’m not a doctor… I’m not the President, so I don’t play one on TV… But they say laughter is the best medicine and personally you sound like someone who could use a good laugh…
I spent more than 20 years working at a career I came to despise… Until finally realizing I could waste a whole lifetime trying to be what I thought was expected of me, but I’d never be free…
A new sense of freedom came banging on my door that day… From deep down inside me… From somewhere in my past… A dream reached out and grabbed my completely and I knew what meant… I was happy to find out, even though late… I wasn’t just a number…
Life is bright in front, now… The dark is behind… Livin’ for the now that’s between the bridges and the signs… There’s still a long way to go… But while others dream and wish… This everything I officially need to know… Am I happy??? You bet I am!!!
When was the last time you saw a smile??? There’s a scream on every silent face wanting to be free… I bring a smile to those faces each and every day!!!
So don’t tell me what I do is wrong… Don’t preach ‘cuz you don’t know… ‘Cuz I was left without a chance such a short time ago… And anything is better than being battered and bruised…
So revel in your Catholic guilt… It won’t buy you heaven while making your life a hell…
God has given me my dream and told me to follow Him where the ice is so thin… So I’m not slowing down… ‘Cuz every second counts…
Have a great day… Every one of mine are wonderful, I wish the same for everybody!!! It’s never too late to learn to live and even miserable bags of wind need love, too…
Love,
Steve
This Friday night at 9pm, I’m in Redfield, NY at The Reservoir Inn with Tom Myers, Ron Bender and Eric Kirkland…
Thursday, August 27th at 930pm I’ll be appearing at Chet Wild’s Comedy Showcase at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY… A comedy extravaganza of 15 comics including the return of Mike “The Pickle” Dambra to the Rochester comedy scene… Welcome home, Mike!!!
Then Saturday, August 29th at 9pm, I’ll be in North Rose, NY at Waypoint with Mike Burns and Cal Verduchi…
These shows promise to be a great time and outstanding lead-in for the Steve “The Nuclear Guy” Expecting Criticality @ Anytime DVD Bash… Sunday, September 6th 730pm at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY…
We’ll be producing my first full length DVD… We’re planning on a three-camera shoot, with plenty of audience reaction shots… So come on out and be a part of it… With Host Dan Maslyn plus Special Guests Tizo Maduro and Tim Shea… This show is sure to be a Nuclear Holocaust of Laughter…
I know my recent posts have been nothing more than a regurgitating of my upcoming calendar… I admit the grind of the road had stifled some of my creative juices for coming up with anything new… Instead the times I might have had to write I was content to mindlessly surf the Internet…
But I’m learning to take inspiration from where ever I can find it…
Yesterday, I got some… Though not necessarily positive inspiration, I will say considering the source, it’s not surprising it’s of the negative variety… There’s just always going to be people who just take themselves a little too seriously… Luckily, for the rest of the world… God created comedians to make fun of these miserable bags of wind…
But for now I’ll digress to set the stage for you…
When first discussing a date for my DVD Bash, I picked September 6th since it was to be the day after my 35th High School Reunion… Many of my high school classmates would be returning to the Rochester area for the Labor Day Holiday Weekend to attend the reunion and hopefully the DVD Bash as well…
Creating an event on Classmates.com I began promoting the show right along side the upcoming reunion… I also sent emails to those classmates I had an active email address for…
A few weeks ago, while touring the Midwest… I received a mass email from the reunion organizers that due to poor response the reunion had been cancelled… At the time I postulated that since it was our 35th reunion maybe too many of us were already dead… Some I think have never learned to live…
A few days ago another mass email arrived stating that some classmates were organizing an un-official reunion for the same night Saturday, September 5th at a local establishment in Greece, NY… Great!!! I replied I would plan on attending, also forwarding to all recipients a reminder about my DVD Bash the following day…
This included an email address specifically set up for classmates to connect with each other… Per the email contained below explaining that to me…
“Please do not send any more such emails to this address. It was not set up to provide support for your side line, it was designed so classmates had a central place to maintain connection with.“
John C.
Well, as I stated earlier God created comedians to make fun of miserable bags of wind who have never learned to live… So let me remind you, John that… One, I am/was a classmate… Two, I was making a connection… Three, sideline is one word… Sister Mary Miserable must have missed your knuckles with her ruler the day we learned to spell that word… Three, it’s not a sideline… It’s how I make my living… I’ve been on tour all over the country… While you’ve been in Rochester obviously feeling bitter and rotten…
I’m not a doctor… I’m not the President, so I don’t play one on TV… But they say laughter is the best medicine and personally you sound like someone who could use a good laugh…
I spent more than 20 years working at a career I came to despise… Until finally realizing I could waste a whole lifetime trying to be what I thought was expected of me, but I’d never be free…
A new sense of freedom came banging on my door that day… From deep down inside me… From somewhere in my past… A dream reached out and grabbed my completely and I knew what meant… I was happy to find out, even though late… I wasn’t just a number…
Life is bright in front, now… The dark is behind… Livin’ for the now that’s between the bridges and the signs… There’s still a long way to go… But while others dream and wish… This everything I officially need to know… Am I happy??? You bet I am!!!
When was the last time you saw a smile??? There’s a scream on every silent face wanting to be free… I bring a smile to those faces each and every day!!!
So don’t tell me what I do is wrong… Don’t preach ‘cuz you don’t know… ‘Cuz I was left without a chance such a short time ago… And anything is better than being battered and bruised…
So revel in your Catholic guilt… It won’t buy you heaven while making your life a hell…
God has given me my dream and told me to follow Him where the ice is so thin… So I’m not slowing down… ‘Cuz every second counts…
Have a great day… Every one of mine are wonderful, I wish the same for everybody!!! It’s never too late to learn to live and even miserable bags of wind need love, too…
Love,
Steve
Friday, August 7, 2009
Road Blog
Ok, I’m going to try and get this written… It’s late and my eyes aren’t working too well… But I’ll try… I don’t even have a title for it yet and that’s usually what comes to me first…
Did the first night of an almost two week run of shows across the Midwest last night… After a 10and a half hour drive across western NY and the province of Ontario…I made it to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan… It’s funny what kind of things pop into your mind while you’re alone in the car for all that time…
Things came popping in and then out of my mouth while I was on stage that and it felt like damn that’s the way it’s supposed to happen… Luckily I was carrying a pen and paper… And quickly wrote them down when I got off stage…
I’m glad I’m not Amish… I spent ten and a half hours in the car to get here yesterday… I certainly don’t want to have to ever spend ten and a half hours in a buggy staring at a horse’s ass the whole way…
Yes, that’s the same thing my ex-wife said about being in the car with me…
Did the second show of this run tonight in Sault Ste. Marie… I’m pretty far north… Saw lots of signs that said, “Bridge may be icy.” No, shit!!! We know the roads are icy this far north in the wintertime… Despite the warnings of the global warming alarmists… I’m convinced they put those signs up to warn drivers about the chance of ice up here the rest of the year!!!
Okay, I’m not going to tell you all my new jokes… Come see a show!!!
Friday night is a travel night and I’m looking forward to my stop in Green Bay to see my sister in-law… My wife just visited last month… We’ll teach her to skip the family picnic again!!!
Well, I’m sitting on her front porch locked out of the house… She’s still at work… It’s raining but it’s a covered porch and comfortable… I’ll give her some shit about later… She was my favorite sister in-law after all…
Saturday night I’ll be in Milwaukee for two shows and I’m looking forward to meeting some other Natarelli’s… Contacted on facebook by someone with the same last name, we can’t figure out if we’re related… I don’t think so… But they are coming to the early show Saturday night… That’s kind of cool…
I’m working with a comic who grew up in Milwaukee, but who lives in Las Vegas now… Kathleen Dunbar… Very funny lady and she’s also picked us up another show for Sunday evening in southern Wisconsin with a comic friend of hers who books a room there… He asked her if she could bring a feature and I just happen to be open… Got to like it when that happens!!!
Still waiting to hear if I will get a spot on the Monday Zanies Showcase in Chicago…
Next Wednesday and Thursday I’ll be at Bogey’s in Cleveland for the Pro/Am night Wednesday and a guest spot Thursday… Couldn’t drive home through Cleveland without a stop there… If all goes well, it’ll mean real work there…
There are two up coming local shows in August… Friday the 21st at The Reservoir Inn in Redfield with Tom Myers, Ron Bender (both coming up from the Baltimore area) and Eric Kirkland coming in from Ohio… And Saturday the 29th at Waypoint Fine Food and Dining in North Rose with Syracuse’s own Mike Burns and New Jersey’s Cal Verduchi…
The summer will be wrapped up with a bang Labor Day weekend… I won’t be attending the second show at Jericho Joe’s Roadhouse in Chateaugay, NY… But I’ve booked them a kick ass show with Feature Mike “Mack” McKenna and Headliner Rick Carino, both from Connecticut… They are bringing along Sean Moran to act as MC and a bunch of their friends for the show…
I had hoped to be attending my 35th HS Reunion the following day, but that’s been cancelled… I hope it doesn’t mean too many of us are already dead…
Sunday September 6th I’ll be taping my first full length DVD “Expecting Criticality at Anytime” at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY… With MC Dan Maslyn, Ralph Teeta had originally been planning on being a part of this show, but a schedule change finds him replaced by Tizo Maduro and one other comic to fill in time and invite many friends before I headline the show.
The following Sunday I’ll be hosting a benefit for AIDS Rochester at The Comedy Club with Headliner and Bette Midler impersonator Donna Maxon, Cher impersonator Steven Andrade and Samantha Vega as Tina Turner… A good cause and a really interesting and fun evening it should be…
Sitting back reading this though I am left feeling I could have just posted my calendar…
Sorry it’s not more creative… Needless to say we’ve been busy… This years LUAU was another great success and Eileen and I have just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary… Taking advantage of a cancellation that weekend we took in the Bob Nelson show at The Comedy Club… Reliving what turned out to be our first date at the old Comix Café… It was a night of good, hard and clean belly laughs… Bob is truly an amazing performer.
It was great to see family and friends turn out for the LUAU especially some of the smiling faces I’ve missed from the R. E. Ginna Nuclear power plant… Mary and Sean visiting from NYC and another sister in-law visiting from California…
Thanks to everyone who showed up to help make it a success…A special kudos to Ralph Tetta for his marathon man driving prowess to make it back into town on time to get him and his family out to the party… You can check his blog for that story…
Okay, my battery is almost dead as I still sit on the front porch apparently stealing a wireless signal from somewhere… So I better get this posted…
See ya!!!
Did the first night of an almost two week run of shows across the Midwest last night… After a 10and a half hour drive across western NY and the province of Ontario…I made it to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan… It’s funny what kind of things pop into your mind while you’re alone in the car for all that time…
Things came popping in and then out of my mouth while I was on stage that and it felt like damn that’s the way it’s supposed to happen… Luckily I was carrying a pen and paper… And quickly wrote them down when I got off stage…
I’m glad I’m not Amish… I spent ten and a half hours in the car to get here yesterday… I certainly don’t want to have to ever spend ten and a half hours in a buggy staring at a horse’s ass the whole way…
Yes, that’s the same thing my ex-wife said about being in the car with me…
Did the second show of this run tonight in Sault Ste. Marie… I’m pretty far north… Saw lots of signs that said, “Bridge may be icy.” No, shit!!! We know the roads are icy this far north in the wintertime… Despite the warnings of the global warming alarmists… I’m convinced they put those signs up to warn drivers about the chance of ice up here the rest of the year!!!
Okay, I’m not going to tell you all my new jokes… Come see a show!!!
Friday night is a travel night and I’m looking forward to my stop in Green Bay to see my sister in-law… My wife just visited last month… We’ll teach her to skip the family picnic again!!!
Well, I’m sitting on her front porch locked out of the house… She’s still at work… It’s raining but it’s a covered porch and comfortable… I’ll give her some shit about later… She was my favorite sister in-law after all…
Saturday night I’ll be in Milwaukee for two shows and I’m looking forward to meeting some other Natarelli’s… Contacted on facebook by someone with the same last name, we can’t figure out if we’re related… I don’t think so… But they are coming to the early show Saturday night… That’s kind of cool…
I’m working with a comic who grew up in Milwaukee, but who lives in Las Vegas now… Kathleen Dunbar… Very funny lady and she’s also picked us up another show for Sunday evening in southern Wisconsin with a comic friend of hers who books a room there… He asked her if she could bring a feature and I just happen to be open… Got to like it when that happens!!!
Still waiting to hear if I will get a spot on the Monday Zanies Showcase in Chicago…
Next Wednesday and Thursday I’ll be at Bogey’s in Cleveland for the Pro/Am night Wednesday and a guest spot Thursday… Couldn’t drive home through Cleveland without a stop there… If all goes well, it’ll mean real work there…
There are two up coming local shows in August… Friday the 21st at The Reservoir Inn in Redfield with Tom Myers, Ron Bender (both coming up from the Baltimore area) and Eric Kirkland coming in from Ohio… And Saturday the 29th at Waypoint Fine Food and Dining in North Rose with Syracuse’s own Mike Burns and New Jersey’s Cal Verduchi…
The summer will be wrapped up with a bang Labor Day weekend… I won’t be attending the second show at Jericho Joe’s Roadhouse in Chateaugay, NY… But I’ve booked them a kick ass show with Feature Mike “Mack” McKenna and Headliner Rick Carino, both from Connecticut… They are bringing along Sean Moran to act as MC and a bunch of their friends for the show…
I had hoped to be attending my 35th HS Reunion the following day, but that’s been cancelled… I hope it doesn’t mean too many of us are already dead…
Sunday September 6th I’ll be taping my first full length DVD “Expecting Criticality at Anytime” at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY… With MC Dan Maslyn, Ralph Teeta had originally been planning on being a part of this show, but a schedule change finds him replaced by Tizo Maduro and one other comic to fill in time and invite many friends before I headline the show.
The following Sunday I’ll be hosting a benefit for AIDS Rochester at The Comedy Club with Headliner and Bette Midler impersonator Donna Maxon, Cher impersonator Steven Andrade and Samantha Vega as Tina Turner… A good cause and a really interesting and fun evening it should be…
Sitting back reading this though I am left feeling I could have just posted my calendar…
Sorry it’s not more creative… Needless to say we’ve been busy… This years LUAU was another great success and Eileen and I have just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary… Taking advantage of a cancellation that weekend we took in the Bob Nelson show at The Comedy Club… Reliving what turned out to be our first date at the old Comix Café… It was a night of good, hard and clean belly laughs… Bob is truly an amazing performer.
It was great to see family and friends turn out for the LUAU especially some of the smiling faces I’ve missed from the R. E. Ginna Nuclear power plant… Mary and Sean visiting from NYC and another sister in-law visiting from California…
Thanks to everyone who showed up to help make it a success…A special kudos to Ralph Tetta for his marathon man driving prowess to make it back into town on time to get him and his family out to the party… You can check his blog for that story…
Okay, my battery is almost dead as I still sit on the front porch apparently stealing a wireless signal from somewhere… So I better get this posted…
See ya!!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
One Day on the Farm...
One spring day as a farmer was loading his prize ewe into the back of his truck, his young son asked him what he intended to do. Recognizing this as an opportunity for one of life's lessons, the farmer explained, "Well, Jimmy, the farmer down the road has a prize ram. So I'm taking the ewe there to get it served." Still too young to fully understand, Jimmy said,"OK dad, thanks."
A few days later the farmer was loading a cow into the back of the truck, when little Jimmy happened by again. "Where you taking the cow dad?" asked Jimmy. "The farmer down the road has a prize bull, so I'm taking the cow there to be served."
Again this satisfied Jimmy's curiosity and he happily ran off to shoot porcupines.
Once again a few days later while the farmer was loading his sow into the truck, Jimmy asked again. "Where ya goin' now, dad?" He answered, "The farmer across town has a prize boar and I'm taking the sow to be served."
Finally Jimmy asked "What's that all mean, dad?" So the farmer sat down in the barnyard and explained all the facts of life to little Jimmy. When he finished, he asked, "So now do you have anymore questions."
To which little Jimmy replied, "So when a politician says, "Send me to Washington to serve you." Now I know what he really means!!!"
A few days later the farmer was loading a cow into the back of the truck, when little Jimmy happened by again. "Where you taking the cow dad?" asked Jimmy. "The farmer down the road has a prize bull, so I'm taking the cow there to be served."
Again this satisfied Jimmy's curiosity and he happily ran off to shoot porcupines.
Once again a few days later while the farmer was loading his sow into the truck, Jimmy asked again. "Where ya goin' now, dad?" He answered, "The farmer across town has a prize boar and I'm taking the sow to be served."
Finally Jimmy asked "What's that all mean, dad?" So the farmer sat down in the barnyard and explained all the facts of life to little Jimmy. When he finished, he asked, "So now do you have anymore questions."
To which little Jimmy replied, "So when a politician says, "Send me to Washington to serve you." Now I know what he really means!!!"
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sensitive Mentoring
Another Oldie, but Goodie... I had forgotten I wrote... Finding a link to www.togetherweserved.com on facebook the other day... I signed up and posted a profile with service dates and locations, etc... Today I received this email... It was a nice surprise.
Steve
I was one of your students in 1985 ... I was thrown out of checkouts, run time, and interviews with you more than once or twice. But you never gave up on me ... THANK YOU!
MCPO(Ret)
I removed the name, for those that don't know the designation is Master Chief Petty Officer (Retired)... He did 22years...
He's not the subject of this story, but it probably occured during the same time frame...
Nostalgia, sometimes it's funny when it strikes. Since everyone I work with on a fairly regular basis has the same ex-Navy background, there are many of us who also shared duty stations together. So the stories are very regularly preceded with " Do you remember when…?".
Having been at this job now for more than 18 years, one accumulates a good deal of what is known as "tribal knowledge". It's the knowledge of experience and a lot of it's been learned the "hard way".
Part of an aging work force, we are now being asked to train some new employees. Fresh out of a six year hitch in the Navy, they're in their fuzzy faced mid-twenties. Young enough to be sons to some of us who have been here for a while. But I think that sounds better than saying, some of us are old enough to be their dad.
Corporate buzz words also being a big thing these days, "training" has been replaced with "coaching". Reflecting better the "kinder & gentler" training model that is used these days. "Coddling" might sometimes be a better description, though that may betray the dry and crusty sea salt that still flavors my way of doing things.
I spent some time coaching this evening within ear shot of another almost as old, "old salt". Dave sat mesmerized as he listened me to coach a new member of the operations department. As I glanced up at him silently taking it all in, I knew what he was thinking. A smile crossed both our faces as he said to the new operator, "I remember when Steve coached me. He wasn't this nice, then."
Laughing, he shared the now more than 20 year old story. We were both still in the Navy, I had spent four years aboard a submarine in San Diego and had returned to the Nuclear Power Training Unit in Ballston Spa, NY as an instructor. Dave was one of my students, 19 years old and full of himself.
Coming to see me one day to discuss the operation of a shipboard steam system, I started by asking him to draw a working diagram of the system. Moving on to various components and their respective functions and finally to their location in the plant. We would have gone on past that, but this is where Dave needed some "coaching".
Where's valve AS-12? I asked.
"Right here, I labeled it", Dave answered confidently.
"No shit. Where is it in the plant?"
"I don't need to know that", Dave answered defiantly.
"Don't tell me what you need to know and what you don't!"
"But it's not in my qual standard, I don't need to know that", Dave added somewhat defensively.
"My f-in' signature isn't in there yet, either and it won't be until you come back here with the g-ddamn answers! Now get the hell out of here and find them. I have to go back to sea when I leave here and some moron like you isn't going to get me killed, when I get there!"
Twenty some years later, we laugh now remembering the hail of chalk and erasers that chased him from the room.
"You're getting too old for this, Steve".
Almost a month and a half into these 12hour midnight shifts, all I could do was agree. "I know am, Dave. I know. Now shut the f-up!" I said as we laughed. "You'll make the kid think I was being easy on him."
Steve
I was one of your students in 1985 ... I was thrown out of checkouts, run time, and interviews with you more than once or twice. But you never gave up on me ... THANK YOU!
MCPO(Ret)
I removed the name, for those that don't know the designation is Master Chief Petty Officer (Retired)... He did 22years...
He's not the subject of this story, but it probably occured during the same time frame...
Nostalgia, sometimes it's funny when it strikes. Since everyone I work with on a fairly regular basis has the same ex-Navy background, there are many of us who also shared duty stations together. So the stories are very regularly preceded with " Do you remember when…?".
Having been at this job now for more than 18 years, one accumulates a good deal of what is known as "tribal knowledge". It's the knowledge of experience and a lot of it's been learned the "hard way".
Part of an aging work force, we are now being asked to train some new employees. Fresh out of a six year hitch in the Navy, they're in their fuzzy faced mid-twenties. Young enough to be sons to some of us who have been here for a while. But I think that sounds better than saying, some of us are old enough to be their dad.
Corporate buzz words also being a big thing these days, "training" has been replaced with "coaching". Reflecting better the "kinder & gentler" training model that is used these days. "Coddling" might sometimes be a better description, though that may betray the dry and crusty sea salt that still flavors my way of doing things.
I spent some time coaching this evening within ear shot of another almost as old, "old salt". Dave sat mesmerized as he listened me to coach a new member of the operations department. As I glanced up at him silently taking it all in, I knew what he was thinking. A smile crossed both our faces as he said to the new operator, "I remember when Steve coached me. He wasn't this nice, then."
Laughing, he shared the now more than 20 year old story. We were both still in the Navy, I had spent four years aboard a submarine in San Diego and had returned to the Nuclear Power Training Unit in Ballston Spa, NY as an instructor. Dave was one of my students, 19 years old and full of himself.
Coming to see me one day to discuss the operation of a shipboard steam system, I started by asking him to draw a working diagram of the system. Moving on to various components and their respective functions and finally to their location in the plant. We would have gone on past that, but this is where Dave needed some "coaching".
Where's valve AS-12? I asked.
"Right here, I labeled it", Dave answered confidently.
"No shit. Where is it in the plant?"
"I don't need to know that", Dave answered defiantly.
"Don't tell me what you need to know and what you don't!"
"But it's not in my qual standard, I don't need to know that", Dave added somewhat defensively.
"My f-in' signature isn't in there yet, either and it won't be until you come back here with the g-ddamn answers! Now get the hell out of here and find them. I have to go back to sea when I leave here and some moron like you isn't going to get me killed, when I get there!"
Twenty some years later, we laugh now remembering the hail of chalk and erasers that chased him from the room.
"You're getting too old for this, Steve".
Almost a month and a half into these 12hour midnight shifts, all I could do was agree. "I know am, Dave. I know. Now shut the f-up!" I said as we laughed. "You'll make the kid think I was being easy on him."
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Welcome Aboard
Another Oldie, but Goodie... One of the first things I ever wrote...
My thoughts often drift back to my years in the US NAVY and serving aboard fast attack submarines.
I am repeatedly asked to describe the life aboard a submarine. Since there were no embedded reporters, "Losing their tan, off the coast of Iran", I thought I'd write this column. As a tribute to those who shared this experience with me and to those who have followed. I hope that as they read this they can chuckle along with me as the memories come flooding back. (Maybe flooding isn't the word I want to use in a submarine story).
Many who have experienced submarine life would say (and there are times I'd have to agree) that it's not a life. Others might say that it's extreme boredom punctuated by moments of shear terror. It's during this time that you watch the "This is Your Life" video pass before your eyes in fast forward. These are the times that with almost no thought, but as a result of repeated practice and drill you react to the situation at hand. Albeit fire, flooding (there's that word again) or a power plant casualty. Only after the adrenalin begins to wear off, do you realize that you almost died. These stressful moments become the source of some quality "gallows humor" as a means to deal with the stress and boredom.
I don't want you, the reader, to think it was all bad and I don't want to write this as an embedded reporter. I wish to write this, so that you, the reader can experience a taste of this salty adventure as a new crew member. So come aboard with me shipmates, and let me be the first to say, "Welcome Aboard"!
As we cross from the pier to the boat let me take this opportunity to explain that a ship is a ship, but a submarine is a boat. This being a hold over from the German U-boat terminology.
We're standing topside now staring down the main hatch and at the ladder bolted to the wall below the hatch. Before you begin to descend fill your lungs completely with a deep breath of fresh air and look straight up. This is your last breath of completely fresh air and your last look at the sky for the next sixty days.
As we reach the bottom of the ladder and proceed forward you begin to become aware of your new surroundings. The first is the ever present and distinct odor that permeates everything and everyone on board. It's a mixture of diesel exhaust, lube oil, food, sweat, cigarette smoke, grease, salt water and trash. Yes, a regular "eau de toilet water" kind of smell. (I think submarine air comes from France).
Remember that description and you'll understand why people are looking at you funny when we get to our first liberty port.
We continue to go forward, down another deck and through a water tight door, we are now in the bow compartment of the boat. Here we'll assign you your rack (this is your bed). It's approximately six feet long, three feet wide and three feet high, with a reading light, an air conditioning vent and a curtain for privacy. That sea bag you're carrying with all your worldly possessions in it, gets unpacked and stowed in the three inch deep bed pan that is the length and width of your rack. And since you're new on board, you get to share these luxury accommodations with one, maybe two other people.
The good news is that you'll probably rarely get to sleep anyway until your qualification cards are completed. These earn you the right to proudly wear your silver dolphins pin(the symbol of the submarine service) with your uniform. It also earns you a seat at the evening movie, until then though you're on the "dink" (delinquent) list.
Well, before you get to work let us go to the mess decks for the evening meal. Of course we'll have to stand in line for these culinary delights. I hear they're serving fried chicken that tastes like shrimp, because they never change the grease in the deep fat fryer. We get to wash it all down with "bug juice",the navy's brand of high potency kool-aid. It's so full of ascorbic acid that it's also used to clean the grill and the toilets. Bon appetite,shipmate!
As an added bonus the "doc" is waiting at the head of the line to make sure we're all up to date on our shots. I haven't decided yet if it's because we're going overseas or to protect us from the food.
We'll skip ahead now on this adventure story. We've left port, we're underway now and you've poured coffee all over yourself upon hearing the diving alarm for the first time.(2 blasts on the loudest "uh-ga" horn you've ever heard, followed by the announcement of "dive,dive"). Now you experience the same anxiety felt by every new crew member the first time you realize that this is what submarine life is all about. You're underway, hundreds of feet below the surface and if something happens, you can't escape and there is no rescue.
Your crusty old chief (Me) has sensed your tension and shared the "two key secrets of a successful submariner". The first is so profound that you're amazed at its wisdom.
"Son", say the chief, "We want to keep the water out of the people tank". You're speechless at the wisdom of that statement and at the fact that the chief seems to love being asea. "Maybe he's just confused", you think, after all you certainly are. You're wondering, "What the hell am I doing here?" As he continues to try to ease your fears, he shares the second secret of submarine life. It may take some higher math skills to understand this, but thank God for our public school system. "The second secret", says the chief, "is to make sure the number of dives equals the number of surfaces" You thank the chief for sharing those with you and silently vow to get the hell out of the navy before you end up like him.
We've been out at sea now for a few weeks and the closeness of the quarters is beginning to wear on you. There are few places on board where you can stretch your arms straight out and not touch something in a 360degree circle. When you find one, you're reminded of your surroundings by the fact that something is in the overhead just inches from your head.
You're standing your watches in the engine room, the hottest, sweatiest, oiliest place on the boat. Six hours on watch, twelve hours off during which time maintenance, cleaning and training, etc. get done. Notice that sleeping is not on that list.
The evaporator, which is used to make fresh water from sea water has been secured for weeks now because it makes too much noise. The trash compactor and overboard trash disposal unit is also secured and all trash is bagged and stored in the engine room, your watch station. (Stealth is important in this business).
Unfortunately when the evaporator is secured so are the showers. This is not good when you have to share a rack with someone. At least everyone smells the same, but twice already in the few moments you've been able to sleep, you've woken up wondering "What the hell stinks?" only to realize it's you!
You're developing a taste for navy chow and continue to be amazed at the creativity of the boats cooks. You've even won some awards for correctly identifying the "mystery meat of the day".
You've settled into the routine of the days, even though you don't know what day it really is. You've stopped wondering what the weather is like back home, but hope that there is some mail waiting for you at the first liberty port.
As the boredom builds the tension does also. You're starved for entertainment and read Louis LaMour novels as fast as possible. All the time imagining yourself in the story and the wide, open spaces of the American West. The days slowly go by as you begin to think about how good an ice, cold beer and some real food will taste.
Then one day you hear, "surface, surface, surface"!!! A short time later you're out in town, and yes the locals think you smell. Hey, you do smell! But the beer is cold and God bless McDonalds there's real food almost everywhere in the world.
The tension that was building slowly goes away and before you know it, it's the next day and you're trying to explain why you and some of your shipmates got into trouble out in town. A couple of more days like that and you'll be glad to be back to sea, you'll need the rest!
A week or so later you're out to sea again. But, now you're not the new man on board since some new crewmembers reported during the port call. The cycle continues until six months later you finally return home. It's great to be home, but you feel like Rip Van Winkle. The world continued without you, the whole time you were gone. There are new songs on the radio, new shows on TV, it was summer when you left, its Christmas time now. The car you left parked on base has become a seagull roost and the paint job is ruined.
The next day you take the motorcycle out and ride, ride, ride, up over the mountains and east into the desert. Ride with the wind in your face and no one around. Ride until the closed in feeling is gone and you feel like being around other people again. As time goes on, these trips will get longer and longer, sometimes even requiring a night of camping alone in the southern California desert.
Then comes the day, the day it's all over. The day you walk off that base for the last time knowing you never have to go back, you experience a feeling like none other. Then you're left with the memories that mellow with time… Memories of maybe "the worst of times" and certainly of the "best of times". Memories of youth and of friends now scattered across the country. Then you hope they see this story and they remember also, as you raise your glass and say "this ones for you, shipmate"!!!
My thoughts often drift back to my years in the US NAVY and serving aboard fast attack submarines.
I am repeatedly asked to describe the life aboard a submarine. Since there were no embedded reporters, "Losing their tan, off the coast of Iran", I thought I'd write this column. As a tribute to those who shared this experience with me and to those who have followed. I hope that as they read this they can chuckle along with me as the memories come flooding back. (Maybe flooding isn't the word I want to use in a submarine story).
Many who have experienced submarine life would say (and there are times I'd have to agree) that it's not a life. Others might say that it's extreme boredom punctuated by moments of shear terror. It's during this time that you watch the "This is Your Life" video pass before your eyes in fast forward. These are the times that with almost no thought, but as a result of repeated practice and drill you react to the situation at hand. Albeit fire, flooding (there's that word again) or a power plant casualty. Only after the adrenalin begins to wear off, do you realize that you almost died. These stressful moments become the source of some quality "gallows humor" as a means to deal with the stress and boredom.
I don't want you, the reader, to think it was all bad and I don't want to write this as an embedded reporter. I wish to write this, so that you, the reader can experience a taste of this salty adventure as a new crew member. So come aboard with me shipmates, and let me be the first to say, "Welcome Aboard"!
As we cross from the pier to the boat let me take this opportunity to explain that a ship is a ship, but a submarine is a boat. This being a hold over from the German U-boat terminology.
We're standing topside now staring down the main hatch and at the ladder bolted to the wall below the hatch. Before you begin to descend fill your lungs completely with a deep breath of fresh air and look straight up. This is your last breath of completely fresh air and your last look at the sky for the next sixty days.
As we reach the bottom of the ladder and proceed forward you begin to become aware of your new surroundings. The first is the ever present and distinct odor that permeates everything and everyone on board. It's a mixture of diesel exhaust, lube oil, food, sweat, cigarette smoke, grease, salt water and trash. Yes, a regular "eau de toilet water" kind of smell. (I think submarine air comes from France).
Remember that description and you'll understand why people are looking at you funny when we get to our first liberty port.
We continue to go forward, down another deck and through a water tight door, we are now in the bow compartment of the boat. Here we'll assign you your rack (this is your bed). It's approximately six feet long, three feet wide and three feet high, with a reading light, an air conditioning vent and a curtain for privacy. That sea bag you're carrying with all your worldly possessions in it, gets unpacked and stowed in the three inch deep bed pan that is the length and width of your rack. And since you're new on board, you get to share these luxury accommodations with one, maybe two other people.
The good news is that you'll probably rarely get to sleep anyway until your qualification cards are completed. These earn you the right to proudly wear your silver dolphins pin(the symbol of the submarine service) with your uniform. It also earns you a seat at the evening movie, until then though you're on the "dink" (delinquent) list.
Well, before you get to work let us go to the mess decks for the evening meal. Of course we'll have to stand in line for these culinary delights. I hear they're serving fried chicken that tastes like shrimp, because they never change the grease in the deep fat fryer. We get to wash it all down with "bug juice",the navy's brand of high potency kool-aid. It's so full of ascorbic acid that it's also used to clean the grill and the toilets. Bon appetite,shipmate!
As an added bonus the "doc" is waiting at the head of the line to make sure we're all up to date on our shots. I haven't decided yet if it's because we're going overseas or to protect us from the food.
We'll skip ahead now on this adventure story. We've left port, we're underway now and you've poured coffee all over yourself upon hearing the diving alarm for the first time.(2 blasts on the loudest "uh-ga" horn you've ever heard, followed by the announcement of "dive,dive"). Now you experience the same anxiety felt by every new crew member the first time you realize that this is what submarine life is all about. You're underway, hundreds of feet below the surface and if something happens, you can't escape and there is no rescue.
Your crusty old chief (Me) has sensed your tension and shared the "two key secrets of a successful submariner". The first is so profound that you're amazed at its wisdom.
"Son", say the chief, "We want to keep the water out of the people tank". You're speechless at the wisdom of that statement and at the fact that the chief seems to love being asea. "Maybe he's just confused", you think, after all you certainly are. You're wondering, "What the hell am I doing here?" As he continues to try to ease your fears, he shares the second secret of submarine life. It may take some higher math skills to understand this, but thank God for our public school system. "The second secret", says the chief, "is to make sure the number of dives equals the number of surfaces" You thank the chief for sharing those with you and silently vow to get the hell out of the navy before you end up like him.
We've been out at sea now for a few weeks and the closeness of the quarters is beginning to wear on you. There are few places on board where you can stretch your arms straight out and not touch something in a 360degree circle. When you find one, you're reminded of your surroundings by the fact that something is in the overhead just inches from your head.
You're standing your watches in the engine room, the hottest, sweatiest, oiliest place on the boat. Six hours on watch, twelve hours off during which time maintenance, cleaning and training, etc. get done. Notice that sleeping is not on that list.
The evaporator, which is used to make fresh water from sea water has been secured for weeks now because it makes too much noise. The trash compactor and overboard trash disposal unit is also secured and all trash is bagged and stored in the engine room, your watch station. (Stealth is important in this business).
Unfortunately when the evaporator is secured so are the showers. This is not good when you have to share a rack with someone. At least everyone smells the same, but twice already in the few moments you've been able to sleep, you've woken up wondering "What the hell stinks?" only to realize it's you!
You're developing a taste for navy chow and continue to be amazed at the creativity of the boats cooks. You've even won some awards for correctly identifying the "mystery meat of the day".
You've settled into the routine of the days, even though you don't know what day it really is. You've stopped wondering what the weather is like back home, but hope that there is some mail waiting for you at the first liberty port.
As the boredom builds the tension does also. You're starved for entertainment and read Louis LaMour novels as fast as possible. All the time imagining yourself in the story and the wide, open spaces of the American West. The days slowly go by as you begin to think about how good an ice, cold beer and some real food will taste.
Then one day you hear, "surface, surface, surface"!!! A short time later you're out in town, and yes the locals think you smell. Hey, you do smell! But the beer is cold and God bless McDonalds there's real food almost everywhere in the world.
The tension that was building slowly goes away and before you know it, it's the next day and you're trying to explain why you and some of your shipmates got into trouble out in town. A couple of more days like that and you'll be glad to be back to sea, you'll need the rest!
A week or so later you're out to sea again. But, now you're not the new man on board since some new crewmembers reported during the port call. The cycle continues until six months later you finally return home. It's great to be home, but you feel like Rip Van Winkle. The world continued without you, the whole time you were gone. There are new songs on the radio, new shows on TV, it was summer when you left, its Christmas time now. The car you left parked on base has become a seagull roost and the paint job is ruined.
The next day you take the motorcycle out and ride, ride, ride, up over the mountains and east into the desert. Ride with the wind in your face and no one around. Ride until the closed in feeling is gone and you feel like being around other people again. As time goes on, these trips will get longer and longer, sometimes even requiring a night of camping alone in the southern California desert.
Then comes the day, the day it's all over. The day you walk off that base for the last time knowing you never have to go back, you experience a feeling like none other. Then you're left with the memories that mellow with time… Memories of maybe "the worst of times" and certainly of the "best of times". Memories of youth and of friends now scattered across the country. Then you hope they see this story and they remember also, as you raise your glass and say "this ones for you, shipmate"!!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Mornin' Wood, you like to come in???
An oldie, but goodie... I wrote this ditty probably ten years ago... While still working shift work at the nuclear power plant...
'Twas the day after midnights, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, the cat caught the mouse;
The clothes were all hung on a chair,
In hopes that laundry day soon would be there;
Nestled we were, all snug in our bed,
While visions of cool breezes danced in our heads;
Me in my skivies,
but holy they weren't,
since Wal-Mart had a sale 3 pair for a five,
and Jack in his collar,
I awoke with a holler,
When out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what the F@#$ was the matter.
Away to the door I stumbled slowly,
Totally unready for the sight before me,
As I opened the door, what should appear,
But a miniature old lady with big blue hair,
With a sales pitch so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment see was looking at my "Rick",
So I said with a grin,
Mornin' Wood, you like to come in?
She said If you're sleeping, you should put up a sign.
I asked Are you blind?
It seems plain to me,
and says Private Property!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
And don't come back in the fall,
Jehovah she witnessed,
But the wrath of God they'll see,
If they come back here at all,
I shut the door tightly,
and said I've got to pee.
'Twas the day after midnights, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, the cat caught the mouse;
The clothes were all hung on a chair,
In hopes that laundry day soon would be there;
Nestled we were, all snug in our bed,
While visions of cool breezes danced in our heads;
Me in my skivies,
but holy they weren't,
since Wal-Mart had a sale 3 pair for a five,
and Jack in his collar,
I awoke with a holler,
When out on the porch there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what the F@#$ was the matter.
Away to the door I stumbled slowly,
Totally unready for the sight before me,
As I opened the door, what should appear,
But a miniature old lady with big blue hair,
With a sales pitch so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment see was looking at my "Rick",
So I said with a grin,
Mornin' Wood, you like to come in?
She said If you're sleeping, you should put up a sign.
I asked Are you blind?
It seems plain to me,
and says Private Property!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
And don't come back in the fall,
Jehovah she witnessed,
But the wrath of God they'll see,
If they come back here at all,
I shut the door tightly,
and said I've got to pee.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
A Vicadin Headache Moment
With the launch, yesterday of “Views from my Hammock” The Official Blog Page of Steve “The Nuclear Guy”… It’s certainly past time to write something new…
Being a comic, I probably should be writing something funny… While there’s the “in the moment” nirvana that we experience when everything is right… There’s “The Vicadin Headache” moments… The times when we just don’t feel funny and comedy nirvana seems like something that we’ve only dreamed about…
Though finally acknowledging my need for something stronger than a handful of Advil today, I had been fighting that mood for days…
Driving 4.5 hours Friday excited to be opening a new room with the help of comedy buddy Denis Donohue who drove 6 hours up from NYC… A small town crowd of 109 reservations turned into a well-attended first show of 78 despite some torrential downpours… But I left disappointed with my own performance, despite acknowledgements from the audience members who could hear it that they enjoyed it… Maybe I’m a purist, who isn’t just happy with the fact that I get paid to tell jokes for a living whether all or only a portion of the audience is listening…
I left amazed at the rudeness people can exhibit sometimes… Though unfortunately, I feel lately it’s more often than sometimes… People who having paid for tickets to see and HEAR a show… Then sit in the back and basically have their own show of LOUD conversation and occasional shouts of unintelligible, incoherent, bullshit totally unrelated to the subject matter being presented from stage… Granted alcohol plays a huge part in this type of behavior, but for the most part I am well past beginning to believe stems from the conscious decision not to give a shit about anyone, but themselves…
Despite being asked numerous times by audience members walking from the front of the room to the back to ask them to be quiet… The din of conversation in the room was not the “in the moment” nirvana I had hoped for…
Deciding not to spend Friday night in the hotel, I drove 4.5 hours home, in the rain, so as not to waste the July 4th holiday on the road… Ruminating on this the whole way home…
The upside is we’ve got two additional shows booked there… One in September and one next February… There’s a ton of potential there and I hope with some work we can produce the kind of show I’d be proud of…
Enjoying the weekend home, we spent sometime Sunday at Sodus Point, listening to live music and having some beers and dinner on the outdoor deck of a local establishment… It had finally warmed up and stopped raining long enough to get out for that…
Yesterday I launched my new blog site and turned my attention to getting ready for this weekends upcoming trip to Vermont with comedy buddies Ralph Tetta and Linda Belt… Shows that had been booked since last January… When I received an email from the venue stating that ticket sales were low and asking me for my opinion…
Well, my opinion was that losing a weekend of income was not an option… Another not “in the moment” moment from the business side of the comedy business… I wasn’t feeling especially upbeat or funny as Eileen and I headed out to Danny Liberto’s open mic last night… It was just what I needed at the time to get my comedy juices flowing again… Proving again that comedy and laughter are the best medicine…
The reality of possibly losing a weekend of pay still loomed though this morning and the dull throb of a “Vicadin Headache” moment began as I took my morning walk with the boys… Having a late breakfast I finally reached for something stronger… But the even better medicine is that after some renegotiations we’re doing one show Saturday instead of the original Friday and Saturday… At least we won’t lose the whole weekend… And Ralph and I still get to spend 6 hours in the car together each way…
Eileen leaves tomorrow for a book signing in Green Bay, Wisconsin this weekend and we’re both hoping she doesn’t get snowed in… All the global warming we’ve haven’t experienced this summer has us a little worried though…
Tomorrow night another open mic and Thursday I’m heading to The Comedy Club in Webster to see a comedy buddy from Maine, Tim Hofmann will be appearing there all weekend. If you are looking for something to do stop in for a show… Tim and I will be appearing in Manchester, Vermont together July 19th at a restaurant called “The Perfect Wife”… I never knew one existed, but then I married Eileen… Awwwwwww… OK, enough of that shit… I said it for you!!!
Tim and I will also be appearing together in Maine the end of July and early August… I’m looking forward to it.
So the view from my hammock today, though cloudy, has sunshine, smooth seas, following breezes and a witty blog on the horizon…
Being a comic, I probably should be writing something funny… While there’s the “in the moment” nirvana that we experience when everything is right… There’s “The Vicadin Headache” moments… The times when we just don’t feel funny and comedy nirvana seems like something that we’ve only dreamed about…
Though finally acknowledging my need for something stronger than a handful of Advil today, I had been fighting that mood for days…
Driving 4.5 hours Friday excited to be opening a new room with the help of comedy buddy Denis Donohue who drove 6 hours up from NYC… A small town crowd of 109 reservations turned into a well-attended first show of 78 despite some torrential downpours… But I left disappointed with my own performance, despite acknowledgements from the audience members who could hear it that they enjoyed it… Maybe I’m a purist, who isn’t just happy with the fact that I get paid to tell jokes for a living whether all or only a portion of the audience is listening…
I left amazed at the rudeness people can exhibit sometimes… Though unfortunately, I feel lately it’s more often than sometimes… People who having paid for tickets to see and HEAR a show… Then sit in the back and basically have their own show of LOUD conversation and occasional shouts of unintelligible, incoherent, bullshit totally unrelated to the subject matter being presented from stage… Granted alcohol plays a huge part in this type of behavior, but for the most part I am well past beginning to believe stems from the conscious decision not to give a shit about anyone, but themselves…
Despite being asked numerous times by audience members walking from the front of the room to the back to ask them to be quiet… The din of conversation in the room was not the “in the moment” nirvana I had hoped for…
Deciding not to spend Friday night in the hotel, I drove 4.5 hours home, in the rain, so as not to waste the July 4th holiday on the road… Ruminating on this the whole way home…
The upside is we’ve got two additional shows booked there… One in September and one next February… There’s a ton of potential there and I hope with some work we can produce the kind of show I’d be proud of…
Enjoying the weekend home, we spent sometime Sunday at Sodus Point, listening to live music and having some beers and dinner on the outdoor deck of a local establishment… It had finally warmed up and stopped raining long enough to get out for that…
Yesterday I launched my new blog site and turned my attention to getting ready for this weekends upcoming trip to Vermont with comedy buddies Ralph Tetta and Linda Belt… Shows that had been booked since last January… When I received an email from the venue stating that ticket sales were low and asking me for my opinion…
Well, my opinion was that losing a weekend of income was not an option… Another not “in the moment” moment from the business side of the comedy business… I wasn’t feeling especially upbeat or funny as Eileen and I headed out to Danny Liberto’s open mic last night… It was just what I needed at the time to get my comedy juices flowing again… Proving again that comedy and laughter are the best medicine…
The reality of possibly losing a weekend of pay still loomed though this morning and the dull throb of a “Vicadin Headache” moment began as I took my morning walk with the boys… Having a late breakfast I finally reached for something stronger… But the even better medicine is that after some renegotiations we’re doing one show Saturday instead of the original Friday and Saturday… At least we won’t lose the whole weekend… And Ralph and I still get to spend 6 hours in the car together each way…
Eileen leaves tomorrow for a book signing in Green Bay, Wisconsin this weekend and we’re both hoping she doesn’t get snowed in… All the global warming we’ve haven’t experienced this summer has us a little worried though…
Tomorrow night another open mic and Thursday I’m heading to The Comedy Club in Webster to see a comedy buddy from Maine, Tim Hofmann will be appearing there all weekend. If you are looking for something to do stop in for a show… Tim and I will be appearing in Manchester, Vermont together July 19th at a restaurant called “The Perfect Wife”… I never knew one existed, but then I married Eileen… Awwwwwww… OK, enough of that shit… I said it for you!!!
Tim and I will also be appearing together in Maine the end of July and early August… I’m looking forward to it.
So the view from my hammock today, though cloudy, has sunshine, smooth seas, following breezes and a witty blog on the horizon…
Monday, July 6, 2009
Views From My Hammock
Hello,
Welcome to the new Official Blog Site of Steve "The Nuclear Guy" www.viewsfrommyhammock.blogspot.com
I’ll be sharing my thoughts on a variety of subjects from the comfort of my hammock… Occasionally I'll also be attaching photos and/or video to my writings... So stay tuned for that...
Some will be new thoughts and musings… Some will be reposts of older blogs posted elsewhere as I transition some of my earlier writings to this location…
So if you are reading something you may have read somewhere else before… I hope you enjoy it again…
I welcome all your feedback on my writings and look forward to sharing my thoughts in this new forum…
Thanks,
Steve “The Nuclear Guy”
Welcome to the new Official Blog Site of Steve "The Nuclear Guy" www.viewsfrommyhammock.blogspot.com
I’ll be sharing my thoughts on a variety of subjects from the comfort of my hammock… Occasionally I'll also be attaching photos and/or video to my writings... So stay tuned for that...
Some will be new thoughts and musings… Some will be reposts of older blogs posted elsewhere as I transition some of my earlier writings to this location…
So if you are reading something you may have read somewhere else before… I hope you enjoy it again…
I welcome all your feedback on my writings and look forward to sharing my thoughts in this new forum…
Thanks,
Steve “The Nuclear Guy”
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