Recently left wide awake, by a generous midday nap and post show adrenaline high, to channel surf the hotel TV menu late one night... Happening upon “The UFO Hunters” it seemed to me as the most entertaining choice and most likely to spur my imagination into flights of fancy...
Finally drifting off, trance like, but not yet asleep... “Do not adjust your set, we have taken control of your TV”, I heard the voice say from across the room.
Thoughts of my home in Wayne County began to fill my mind as a question floated like a dream above me... Why does it seem aliens only visit people missing teeth??? Are aliens afraid the rest of us will try to eat them???
I began to dream I heard my dogs barking at the bright lights in the distance, though being a few states away it may have only been my own snoring.
Maybe the aliens don’t realize rednecks have a recipe for every critter in their zoos... Whether they have teeth to chew ‘em or not...
But that could have just been the double order of teriyaki chicken wings washed down with numerous beers following the show, now coming back up for some late night comedy talk...
Maybe it was just the nightmare of the ass-tronaut ex-wife whose ass took up a lot of space...
I wondered... Are they coming to diversify some trailer park gene pools???
Dreaming my way back to Wayne County, where the only thing anyone understands about the theory of relativity is that everyone is a fuckin’ relative... Maybe I was just homesick...
Waking up and climbing into my VW Jetta wagon spaceship... Thinking I was George Jetson, I headed home for a reunion with “Jane” and our three “Astros”...
Only to arrive smelling like “Tarzan”, after 8 hours in the car... Swinging in on my vine to plant a big kiss onto the lips of my “Jane” as our three “Cheetas” danced like monkeys around us...
Happy not to be told to sleep in the barn... This Intrepid Space Cowboy was glad be home...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
I Need A Goddamn Nap!!!
Awoke this morning at 6am, by a dog needing to go outside... I could barely push the door open against the snow drifted up against it on the COVERED porch...
Taking care of business while he and the cat were outside... I let them back in and headed back to bed... Only to be reminded that 7am is time for their breakfast...
Brewing some coffee as I measured out their food, each of us having our morning meds... Washing mine down with two cups of coffee, while checking my emails for any needing an immediate response as the dogs chewing rawhide treats lay at feet...
Having already lost my spot on the bed to Simon, the yellow lab... I crawled into the spare bed with Riley, the chocolate lab and JJ, the black lab, at 730am...
Snorted awake again at 9am, by Riley... It was time for another cup of coffee and to head outside for my date with the shovel... The porch, the walk and into the driveway... Heavy, wet and sticky... The plow guy arrives and promptly gets his four wheel drive plow truck stuck in my driveway...
Truck unstuck and driveway plowed... It’s time for a shower and lunch... There’s still snow to move... The cars need to be moved and cleaned off... Then the snow cleaned from the cars and the snow between them needs to shoveled out of the way...
Plans are to head to the Beale Street Café tonight to hear some blues and visit with some old friends...
First I need a goddamn nap... FUCK YOU, ALGORE!!! It's snowing again...
Taking care of business while he and the cat were outside... I let them back in and headed back to bed... Only to be reminded that 7am is time for their breakfast...
Brewing some coffee as I measured out their food, each of us having our morning meds... Washing mine down with two cups of coffee, while checking my emails for any needing an immediate response as the dogs chewing rawhide treats lay at feet...
Having already lost my spot on the bed to Simon, the yellow lab... I crawled into the spare bed with Riley, the chocolate lab and JJ, the black lab, at 730am...
Snorted awake again at 9am, by Riley... It was time for another cup of coffee and to head outside for my date with the shovel... The porch, the walk and into the driveway... Heavy, wet and sticky... The plow guy arrives and promptly gets his four wheel drive plow truck stuck in my driveway...
Truck unstuck and driveway plowed... It’s time for a shower and lunch... There’s still snow to move... The cars need to be moved and cleaned off... Then the snow cleaned from the cars and the snow between them needs to shoveled out of the way...
Plans are to head to the Beale Street Café tonight to hear some blues and visit with some old friends...
First I need a goddamn nap... FUCK YOU, ALGORE!!! It's snowing again...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A Michigan Comedy Weekend
Ok, faithful readers I need to get this blog written about last weekend’s Michigan comedy adventures before I forget what happened...
Heading out from western NY, Thursday morning, planning on cutting across Ontario Canada. Never anticipating a delay due to Olympic related heightened security measures, taking the time to remind the Canadian authorities that the “fuckin’ Olympics would be over with, by the time I drove from Niagara Falls to Vancouver”...
I shared a cigarette with those same Canadian authorities a short time later...
“Doh, Canada!!!” I was singing the Canadian national anthem...
Though I still don’t smoke after sex... I do after a cavity search!!!
Crossing back into Michigan, I headed to Grand Rapids and the home of Buffalo native, Stu McCallister... The house MC at Dr. Grins Comedy Club...
Stu shares his home with another comic, 4 cats and his dog Simon... I felt right at home there... Since I share mine with Eileen, three dogs (including a Simon) and our cat...
Stu had graciously offered me a night in his guest room while in town to do a guest spot at Dr. Grins... Talking comedy before and after the show was icing on the cake...
The Thursday “college night” show featuring $5 admission and $5 pitchers of beer was virtually sold out and a lot fun... Hopefully it leads to some regular feature work with Funny-Business...
Featuring Friday night in Howell, Michigan, a few hours east of Grand Rapids, proved to be an interesting show... Complete with a time delayed response from the Howell audience... Got to love comedy... Every night is different...
Saturday afternoon was spent hanging and talking comedy with Indianapolis comedian headliner Kris Shaw prior to our show in Edmore, Michigan... The opportunity to watch and learn from performers as talented as Kris is one of the extra benefits that comes with this job... It was truly a treat...
After a post-show dinner of Mexican food and beer, I had come prepared for the Canadian authorities while crossing back into Canada... Rolling down the window to hand them my passport, there was no way they wanted any part of the “shit” I was taking across the border...
Arriving home Sunday night to the welcoming “happy dance” of our three labs and a delicious dinner of pork tenderloin, mash potatoes and gravy... I slept like a dead man, resting for the day of chores ahead of me Monday morning...
Clearing my snow covered yard of four days of dog shit... Left me with the uneasy craving for chocolate chip ice cream and wondering, if we had a chance to score a commercial for “Dogen-Haz”...
Of course, the grass will be green by the time I return from the next trip, so I guess we’d be talking mint chocolate chip by then...
Either way, I’ll probably just want to pick the chips out of it...
After a long awaited three-mile walk along the lake with the boys, Monday night was spent relaxing in front of the TV as they lay snoring at my feet...
Nothing sounds like home more than three snoring dogs lying contentedly at your feet... And reminding me of sitting in my grandparent’s living room...
The TV volume already on high while my grandfather sat in his chair snoring so loudly my grandmother would have to scream above the TV volume, “HEY!!!” to wake him up because she couldn’t hear the TV...
Good thing they weren’t watching porno, huh??? “Papa brings the sausage... Nana brings the buns.”
After spending this week at home I’ll be featuring next week at The Funny Farm in Gloversville, NY Saturday March 6th...
Sunday March 7th, I’ll be leaving for almost four months on the road... (Hence the green grass upon my return)
Lastly... Having sworn off comedy contests some time ago, I’ve begun to rethink that decision... Winning a comedy contest would insure me a lot of additional comedy work on weekends I might otherwise be home and unemployed... Taking a cue from Harry Reid... I think I’ve found the secret to actually winning... “Vote for me or my wife gets beat up!!!”
I’M KIDDING LADIES… I’M KIDDING!!!
Heading out from western NY, Thursday morning, planning on cutting across Ontario Canada. Never anticipating a delay due to Olympic related heightened security measures, taking the time to remind the Canadian authorities that the “fuckin’ Olympics would be over with, by the time I drove from Niagara Falls to Vancouver”...
I shared a cigarette with those same Canadian authorities a short time later...
“Doh, Canada!!!” I was singing the Canadian national anthem...
Though I still don’t smoke after sex... I do after a cavity search!!!
Crossing back into Michigan, I headed to Grand Rapids and the home of Buffalo native, Stu McCallister... The house MC at Dr. Grins Comedy Club...
Stu shares his home with another comic, 4 cats and his dog Simon... I felt right at home there... Since I share mine with Eileen, three dogs (including a Simon) and our cat...
Stu had graciously offered me a night in his guest room while in town to do a guest spot at Dr. Grins... Talking comedy before and after the show was icing on the cake...
The Thursday “college night” show featuring $5 admission and $5 pitchers of beer was virtually sold out and a lot fun... Hopefully it leads to some regular feature work with Funny-Business...
Featuring Friday night in Howell, Michigan, a few hours east of Grand Rapids, proved to be an interesting show... Complete with a time delayed response from the Howell audience... Got to love comedy... Every night is different...
Saturday afternoon was spent hanging and talking comedy with Indianapolis comedian headliner Kris Shaw prior to our show in Edmore, Michigan... The opportunity to watch and learn from performers as talented as Kris is one of the extra benefits that comes with this job... It was truly a treat...
After a post-show dinner of Mexican food and beer, I had come prepared for the Canadian authorities while crossing back into Canada... Rolling down the window to hand them my passport, there was no way they wanted any part of the “shit” I was taking across the border...
Arriving home Sunday night to the welcoming “happy dance” of our three labs and a delicious dinner of pork tenderloin, mash potatoes and gravy... I slept like a dead man, resting for the day of chores ahead of me Monday morning...
Clearing my snow covered yard of four days of dog shit... Left me with the uneasy craving for chocolate chip ice cream and wondering, if we had a chance to score a commercial for “Dogen-Haz”...
Of course, the grass will be green by the time I return from the next trip, so I guess we’d be talking mint chocolate chip by then...
Either way, I’ll probably just want to pick the chips out of it...
After a long awaited three-mile walk along the lake with the boys, Monday night was spent relaxing in front of the TV as they lay snoring at my feet...
Nothing sounds like home more than three snoring dogs lying contentedly at your feet... And reminding me of sitting in my grandparent’s living room...
The TV volume already on high while my grandfather sat in his chair snoring so loudly my grandmother would have to scream above the TV volume, “HEY!!!” to wake him up because she couldn’t hear the TV...
Good thing they weren’t watching porno, huh??? “Papa brings the sausage... Nana brings the buns.”
After spending this week at home I’ll be featuring next week at The Funny Farm in Gloversville, NY Saturday March 6th...
Sunday March 7th, I’ll be leaving for almost four months on the road... (Hence the green grass upon my return)
Lastly... Having sworn off comedy contests some time ago, I’ve begun to rethink that decision... Winning a comedy contest would insure me a lot of additional comedy work on weekends I might otherwise be home and unemployed... Taking a cue from Harry Reid... I think I’ve found the secret to actually winning... “Vote for me or my wife gets beat up!!!”
I’M KIDDING LADIES… I’M KIDDING!!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Happy Valentine's Day
Loading my car this morning for my drive south tonight, through the global snowing storms, as Fox News flashed visions of white outs at the White House with news of a government shutdown due to the weather again today… I couldn’t help thinking… “Is Mother Nature trying to tell us something?”
The government is shutdown and we’re getting along just fine without them… Unfortunately, I’m sure the White House isn’t listening to her now anymore than they’ve listened this past year…
It’ll be three years this April, since I made the decision to follow this crazy dream of being a road comic… Finally beginning to realize it now… I’ve been logging a lot of time behind the wheel lately with the acceptance that sometimes that means getting to the next show despite less than favorable driving conditions… As the show biz adage goes… “The show must go on.”
Planning a nap soon… I’ll be leaving for Louisville, KY later tonight… I plan on driving through the night and sleeping when I get there for my show at Comedy Caravan Thursday night… A good performance there will go a long way towards keeping my calendar filled with roadwork…
Friday I’ll head to Lynchburg, VA for a Comedy Zone show and Saturday I’ll be back for a show just an hour from home in Cato, NY… I hope some of my local readers will make it out for that one… Even if it means riding out on their snowmobiles to get there…
A Valentine’s weekend of shows where I’m sure to be dispensing much needed relationship advice to the un-married, happily married and those who wish they never married…
And Sunday morning as I wish my wife a Happy Valentine’s Day… I’ll offer a silent prayer… Thank God, she can take a joke…
The government is shutdown and we’re getting along just fine without them… Unfortunately, I’m sure the White House isn’t listening to her now anymore than they’ve listened this past year…
It’ll be three years this April, since I made the decision to follow this crazy dream of being a road comic… Finally beginning to realize it now… I’ve been logging a lot of time behind the wheel lately with the acceptance that sometimes that means getting to the next show despite less than favorable driving conditions… As the show biz adage goes… “The show must go on.”
Planning a nap soon… I’ll be leaving for Louisville, KY later tonight… I plan on driving through the night and sleeping when I get there for my show at Comedy Caravan Thursday night… A good performance there will go a long way towards keeping my calendar filled with roadwork…
Friday I’ll head to Lynchburg, VA for a Comedy Zone show and Saturday I’ll be back for a show just an hour from home in Cato, NY… I hope some of my local readers will make it out for that one… Even if it means riding out on their snowmobiles to get there…
A Valentine’s weekend of shows where I’m sure to be dispensing much needed relationship advice to the un-married, happily married and those who wish they never married…
And Sunday morning as I wish my wife a Happy Valentine’s Day… I’ll offer a silent prayer… Thank God, she can take a joke…
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
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