Written in no particular order… But guided by my own stream of unconsciousness…
Lots of old people at hospitals…
25yrs ago I was struck by the fact that all the doctors at the VA were old Korean War doctors who spoke bad English and was not impressed with the level of care…
Happy to report that it’s not your father’s VA any longer… The facilities, at least in Salt Lake City, are modern… The level of care is superb... The doctors and nurses are young…
Though that might just be ‘cuz I’m the old guy there now…
Heard the BS life story of an old, fat, hard of hearing, war hero in the room across the hall as he recounted it to the fellow sharing his room… I don’t think that guy was thrilled to having it yelled at him…
Didn’t have to share a room there or might have had to yell “SHUT the FUCK UP!!!”… Probably would have had to yell it more than once…
Shared my room only with my wife who faithfully spent long boring hours at my bedside, helping me in and out of bed and taking slow walks around the hallways with me…
I don’t know yet where this adventure ends… But when it does… I will go… Knowing that I’ve been honored with the true love of a wonderful woman… I’ll be the first to admit I may not have always appreciated it and certainly took it for granted at times… I’m sorry Sweetheart… Thank You…
Though sore and tired came home feeling pretty good for almost two weeks and looking forward to heading back to work, though with restrictions June 2…
That date is now in question as an emergency trip back to a local Idaho Falls hospital last Thursday night may not have totally resolved the problems that brought me there in the first place…
Released Friday night at midnight with explicit instructions, that upon any return of similar symptoms that I was to get my ass back there immediately… I have a strong feeling I may be back before the holiday weekend is over… Hell, maybe as soon as I finish this blog… Certainly by the time most of you read it… More on that later…
My first trip to the local hospital Thursday night…
Lots of old people at hospitals…
Looks like all private rooms… Damn near hotel stay level… WiFi… Nice…
Disappointed with the level of training the student nurses are receiving these days… Two ventured into my room and neither could explain to me the difference between a rectal and oral thermometer…
I’m not a doctor, but my guess is they don’t taste the same…
A reality check #1… Offered by a veteran nurse in the room at the time… “Think your job sucks??? Be glad you aren’t a rectal thermometer tester…”
Point taken…
Experienced the joy of alert and conscious placement of an NG Tube* to empty my stomach while in the Emergency Room Thursday night/Friday morning…
* Wikipedia…Nasogastric aspiration (suction) is the process of draining the stomach's contents via the tube. Nasogastric aspiration is mainly used to remove gastric secretions and swallowed air in patients with gastrointestinal obstructions… It can also be appended to a suction system however this method is often restricted to emergency situations…
Wear clean underwear... I can't guarantee it... With what's bothering me these last few days...
So never, never trust a fart... Especially an old one like me...
Much of my stomach contents I involuntarily emptied onto myself before suction could be applied to the tube… Not a pleasant experience…
Another veteran nurse shared that during his training they practiced placement of the tubes on each other…
Reality Check #2… Offered by yours truly… “Well, at least you weren’t practicing Prostrate Exams on each other.”
Point taken…
There are a lot of old people at hospitals…
The raisin in the next room made a naked breakout attempt… I fear I glimpsed my wife’s future…
I wonder now as I contemplate what may be another return trip to the hospital is this how it will end??? Tubes running in and out of various orifices… Just trying to be comfortable and catch some of the ballgame on mlb.com while slipping in and out of consciousness…
It doesn’t sound like the heroic and ball of flame exit I had planned to me… And I still need to record the DVD I want played on a loop on a flat screen above my casket… The keg will be in the corner and there’ll be a two drink minimum, of course… Maybe some of those attending will die laughing and come along on the journey with me…
Morbid???
I don’t think so… It’s just…
Reality Check #3… It is gonna happen to all of us… It is times like these that certainly drive the reality home… Only the real lucky ones get to pick the when and how…
We need to be ready…
I’m not sure how this current adventure of mine will end, but just in case God Bless all of you who have enjoyed the ride with me, the laughs, and the tears…
I’ve ridden submarines from both coasts to points all across the globe… And count many past shipmates as current friends… Performed standup all across the country and had a blast doing it… Performed in more than my share of po-dunks and big city “A” rooms, too… I’ve found the people in the po-dunks the most genuine and appreciative of the laughs… They are my people… I’ve made many more friends and unfortunately a few enemies also along the way… The “I only work ‘A’ rooms” attitude never sitting well with me… Those people weren't famous before, they aren't famous now... So listening to their bullshit wasn't going to make me famous any quicker...They aren’t the ones who are important now… They never were… The people in the po-dunks deserve to laugh, too…
To those I’ve pissed off… Well… Fuck Off you probably had it coming anyway… You’re not important enough now to warrant more than these few lines… Know that I will go with a part of me still laughing in derision at you and your self-importance… See you in hell…
My only thoughts now constantly returning to those I love the most… My wife, my dogs and the F-in’ cat… Yes, even the cat…
My thoughts and concerns now only on their provision and care… Getting things in order and hoping there proves to still be many more years… To make more friends and hopefully not to many more enemies… To get that DVD recorded and before I really need to worry about it playing above my casket…
