Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Foggy Headed Blues
Hoping to make it to the 10pm open mic at Look ah Hookah smoke shop in Rochester last night… The snow still falling and the wind blowing off the lake were enough to persuade me not to make the hour drive…
Sleeping in ‘til 9am… Something rare in a house with three dogs and a cat… And waking up this morning to stillness not often found here on the lake this time of the year… The wind was calm and sky was clear, so despite the 0 degree temperature, dressed for the cold I headed out for a walk with my boys…
Advised by my doctor to get more exercise… And just over two weeks away from my 54th birthday… The only iron I pump these days… Comes in a vitamin bottle… So the 3.5 miles of “old man exercise”… Walking my three dogs everyday I’m home, will have to do…
Recent back problems brought on by too many hours sitting behind my steering wheel, while reminding me to move about more often, have also limited my movement… No, not those movements… The juice bars at the old folks homes I’ve been playing comp me all the Metamucil I can drink…
Watching the weather channel, I’m hoping the winter storm terrorizing the southeast right now is a thing of the past soon… Heading to an audition at the Comedy Caravan in Louisville, KY Thursday February 11th… Then featuring at the Comedy Zone in Lynchburg, VA on Friday the 12th, and back home for a show in Cato, NY Saturday the 13th… Yes, I’ll be home for Valentine’s Day!!!
The following week… I’ll be doing a guest set at Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids, MI on Thursday the 18th (My Birthday, btw) then featuring in Howell, MI Friday the 19th and Mt. Pleasant, MI Saturday the 20th… I’ve been playing Michigan so often lately I’m afraid of turning into a Lions fan, just when the Bills finally get good again…
I’m hoping to get enough video this month to piece together a DVD to help defray gas costs during my Midwest comedy run
The recent change in my “old man” medicine by the doctors at the VA has often left me feeling more than a bit foggy headed… I’m hoping to adjust to it soon… I’ve only had three beers the last month and a half… And if that’s the way I’ve got to go through life… They better be pouring tall ones!!!
There are still two February weekends I need to fill with comedy work, I’m hoping to get enough video this month to piece together a DVD to help defray gas costs… Before I head south again for a few months of nuclear contract work in Georgia and Alabama… I’m trying to tie in a few appearances in front of the “red neck cock suckers” while I’m there… I finish my spring contract work with a week in Illinois and then starting a two-month Midwest comedy run through Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois and points yet to be determined… During which I hope again to accumulate some good video footage…
I’m also hoping to spend the first week of June in Chicago taking part in the Snubfest Comedy Festival… And maybe when I return we’ll finally get the full length DVD “Expecting Criticality @ Anytime” recorded and have it available for sale…
Ok, that’s enough for now I’ve still got some calendar to get filled…
Sleeping in ‘til 9am… Something rare in a house with three dogs and a cat… And waking up this morning to stillness not often found here on the lake this time of the year… The wind was calm and sky was clear, so despite the 0 degree temperature, dressed for the cold I headed out for a walk with my boys…
Advised by my doctor to get more exercise… And just over two weeks away from my 54th birthday… The only iron I pump these days… Comes in a vitamin bottle… So the 3.5 miles of “old man exercise”… Walking my three dogs everyday I’m home, will have to do…
Recent back problems brought on by too many hours sitting behind my steering wheel, while reminding me to move about more often, have also limited my movement… No, not those movements… The juice bars at the old folks homes I’ve been playing comp me all the Metamucil I can drink…
Watching the weather channel, I’m hoping the winter storm terrorizing the southeast right now is a thing of the past soon… Heading to an audition at the Comedy Caravan in Louisville, KY Thursday February 11th… Then featuring at the Comedy Zone in Lynchburg, VA on Friday the 12th, and back home for a show in Cato, NY Saturday the 13th… Yes, I’ll be home for Valentine’s Day!!!
The following week… I’ll be doing a guest set at Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids, MI on Thursday the 18th (My Birthday, btw) then featuring in Howell, MI Friday the 19th and Mt. Pleasant, MI Saturday the 20th… I’ve been playing Michigan so often lately I’m afraid of turning into a Lions fan, just when the Bills finally get good again…
I’m hoping to get enough video this month to piece together a DVD to help defray gas costs during my Midwest comedy run
The recent change in my “old man” medicine by the doctors at the VA has often left me feeling more than a bit foggy headed… I’m hoping to adjust to it soon… I’ve only had three beers the last month and a half… And if that’s the way I’ve got to go through life… They better be pouring tall ones!!!
There are still two February weekends I need to fill with comedy work, I’m hoping to get enough video this month to piece together a DVD to help defray gas costs… Before I head south again for a few months of nuclear contract work in Georgia and Alabama… I’m trying to tie in a few appearances in front of the “red neck cock suckers” while I’m there… I finish my spring contract work with a week in Illinois and then starting a two-month Midwest comedy run through Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois and points yet to be determined… During which I hope again to accumulate some good video footage…
I’m also hoping to spend the first week of June in Chicago taking part in the Snubfest Comedy Festival… And maybe when I return we’ll finally get the full length DVD “Expecting Criticality @ Anytime” recorded and have it available for sale…
Ok, that’s enough for now I’ve still got some calendar to get filled…
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Adogalypse Now
Standing on the porch in the dark this morning, enjoying a cup of coffee, my eyes surveyed a scene straight out of a Viet Nam movie. The dogs had charged into the rice paddy of our front yard, as soon as I had opened the front door. Made that way courtesy of the torrents of global warming snowfall recently subject to our balmy melting temperatures and monsoon rainfall.
The music started softly at first as though far off in the distance, slowly becoming louder, until it thundered in all our ears.
http://www.carolinaclassical.com/articles/wagnervalkyries.html
The wind had turned in the night it was now cool and strong off of the water, huge breakers were rolling in and disintegrating in foamy spray along the shore.
Looking back towards me, with an ear still turned toward the thundering music now accompanied by the song of the waves, their eyes tell me what they are thinking, “Mommy don’t surf!!!”
“You’re right”, I say. “I can’t even get her to go swimming with me.”
As they begin their morning chase of the cat across the rice paddy, they bark out the start of their day.
“We love the smell of cat shit in the morning. It smells like… breakfast!!!”
The music started softly at first as though far off in the distance, slowly becoming louder, until it thundered in all our ears.
http://www.carolinaclassical.com/articles/wagnervalkyries.html
The wind had turned in the night it was now cool and strong off of the water, huge breakers were rolling in and disintegrating in foamy spray along the shore.
Looking back towards me, with an ear still turned toward the thundering music now accompanied by the song of the waves, their eyes tell me what they are thinking, “Mommy don’t surf!!!”
“You’re right”, I say. “I can’t even get her to go swimming with me.”
As they begin their morning chase of the cat across the rice paddy, they bark out the start of their day.
“We love the smell of cat shit in the morning. It smells like… breakfast!!!”
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Shit On My Shovel
With three big dogs in yard it’s unavoidable and since two of them have recently decided shit is a delicacy… It’s imperative to clean it up quick… They eat well and have no need for a hot meal…
The where’s and when’s of our inspirations are sometimes very interesting… There’s not always a direct relation or corollary between our actions and our musings… Sometimes musings are tangential and sometimes we just think about shit…
Today is one of those days… I’ve shoveled a lot of shit in my life… Back in the days of single bars and pick up lines I could shovel shit with the best of ‘em…
Sometimes the shit we’re stuck shoveling doesn’t smell so nice… That’s usually the shit someone else dumps on us… Not to say our own shit doesn’t stink… But shoveling out from under some else’s is never pleasant…
People should remember the age-old adage… Shit unto others, as you would have them shit onto you… In other words… DON’T…
Back in my fighting days… I admit there were times I welcomed it… With the caveat… Shit on me all you want… Just be ready for twice as much in return…
Now that I’m older there are days that I can’t shit at all, so I’m a little more discreet before making so bold a statement… Especially, if I haven’t taken my Metamucil that day…
Sometimes we can’t think of any shit to write about… And sometimes we just gotta shovel shit… Today is one of those days…
The where’s and when’s of our inspirations are sometimes very interesting… There’s not always a direct relation or corollary between our actions and our musings… Sometimes musings are tangential and sometimes we just think about shit…
Today is one of those days… I’ve shoveled a lot of shit in my life… Back in the days of single bars and pick up lines I could shovel shit with the best of ‘em…
Sometimes the shit we’re stuck shoveling doesn’t smell so nice… That’s usually the shit someone else dumps on us… Not to say our own shit doesn’t stink… But shoveling out from under some else’s is never pleasant…
People should remember the age-old adage… Shit unto others, as you would have them shit onto you… In other words… DON’T…
Back in my fighting days… I admit there were times I welcomed it… With the caveat… Shit on me all you want… Just be ready for twice as much in return…
Now that I’m older there are days that I can’t shit at all, so I’m a little more discreet before making so bold a statement… Especially, if I haven’t taken my Metamucil that day…
Sometimes we can’t think of any shit to write about… And sometimes we just gotta shovel shit… Today is one of those days…
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Laxative… It’s Not Just For Constipation Anymore!!!
Sometimes it's just for unloading a ration or two of built up shit on those who need an unloading on…
So let’s let the unloading begin…
I DON’T PLAY MAFIA GAMES… I DON’T PLAY FARMVILLE GAMES… I’m already an Italian living in Farmville… All you would be wise guys need to wise up… The computer is a tool… Facebook one of the tools in the box… They are not toys… If you need a toy to play with… Dial up some internet porn and and play with yourself… I don’t have the time or intention to play with you… So I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse… Don’ta aska me to playa and I won’ta take a you offa my frienda list… Capisca???
Next… I don’t really give a fuck about anyone’s pet causes and getting requests to join your cause is becoming a pet peeve… I don’t need any more pets… I’ve got three dogs, a cat and a wife… So the same rules apply… OK, I hope we all can understand that… But I doubt it… I think I’ll need to repost this once a month at least…
I had meant to say more… But finding this on the Internet…
http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpps/news/offbeat/iowa-man-spells-out-wife's-birthday-message-in-manure_5415058
Has muted some of my fury… I hope I’ve got my point across… But I still can’t wait to shit on someone’s grave!!!
Have a nice day!!!
So let’s let the unloading begin…
I DON’T PLAY MAFIA GAMES… I DON’T PLAY FARMVILLE GAMES… I’m already an Italian living in Farmville… All you would be wise guys need to wise up… The computer is a tool… Facebook one of the tools in the box… They are not toys… If you need a toy to play with… Dial up some internet porn and and play with yourself… I don’t have the time or intention to play with you… So I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse… Don’ta aska me to playa and I won’ta take a you offa my frienda list… Capisca???
Next… I don’t really give a fuck about anyone’s pet causes and getting requests to join your cause is becoming a pet peeve… I don’t need any more pets… I’ve got three dogs, a cat and a wife… So the same rules apply… OK, I hope we all can understand that… But I doubt it… I think I’ll need to repost this once a month at least…
I had meant to say more… But finding this on the Internet…
http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpps/news/offbeat/iowa-man-spells-out-wife's-birthday-message-in-manure_5415058
Has muted some of my fury… I hope I’ve got my point across… But I still can’t wait to shit on someone’s grave!!!
Have a nice day!!!
Laxative, it's not just for constipation anymore!!! Finally, this is the laugh I've needed all day. But I still can't wait to shit on someone's grave!
http://ping.fm/wZ7BP's-birthday-message-in-manure_5415058
http://ping.fm/wZ7BP's-birthday-message-in-manure_5415058
Sunday, January 3, 2010
So You Want To Be A Road Comic???
After spending a cool Friday night in the Millbury, OH Super 8 Motel… Cool, because the heater in the room didn’t work so super… It felt about a super 8 degrees IN the room… I was up early and on the road heading home…
Scribbling notes onto the yellow legal pad sitting on the seat beside me yesterday during the drive… I’ll start to decipher them into today’s blog… But first I’ll start with a prayer of thanks I drove home yesterday or I’d probably be spending the day in a ditch somewhere along the way… But at least the heater in my car works, so maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad… At least until I ran out of gas… And I’ve been told I NEVER run out of gas… Ask Tetta he’s ridden in the car with me…
Been thinking about compiling my blogs into a book… But do you call a book of road comic blogs???
Charles Kuralt already used the “On The Road with…” theme…
“On Stage with…”???
Maybe, but as any road comic will tell you… Not all the good stories happen on stage… Just like an old sailor’s “Sea Stories” not all the good ones happen at sea… Hell, as an old sailor… I can tell you for certain… The “good ones” happened on land…
“Oh the romance of these harbour towns
Lights that shimmer on canals
And in the bottom of your glass
The air buzzing with foreign tongues
And the occasional cries
Of sailors, tramps and rock 'n' rollers . . .
And another taste of cheap delight
Street food sizzling outside
Washed down with the local poison
These back alleys with their pinkish lights
And the occasional cries
Of smugglers, bums and credit card holders . . .”
…Joe Jackson
Sorry, I digress… I was having a flashback…
Comedy is a “Funny Business”… There’s nothing better than being on stage and in “The Zone”… Though getting there isn’t always easy… Despite prompt response to show drops… Sometimes that’s just the “Sub (Base) Way”… I guess I’ll just go there to eat…
It’s true… It’s a “Funny Business” when they say I’m “too blue”… But I’m not there to… Entertain the “Coastal” line… I’m there to entertain the crowd and they like it just fine…
It’s “Hysterical” that as a “Charter” member they say I can’t manage my career… Call me a fool… I’m just “Bonkerz” my April is almost full…
So you want to be a road comic???
Yes…
This is the day
Of the comedy man
That shape is my shade
There where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday
I gazed through the glass
At jokers
Wild crowd workers
That's all in the past
You call me a fool
You say it's a crazy scheme
This one's for real
I already bought the dream
So useless to ask me why
Throw a kiss and say goodbye
I'll make it this time
I'm ready to cross that fine line
CHORUS:
I've learned to work the microphone
I'll say just what I feel
I don’t drink Scotch whiskey all night long
But I’ll probably die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I wanted a name, too
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me The Nuclear Guy
My back to the wall
A victim of laughing chance
This is for me
The essence of true romance
Sharing the things we know and love
With those of my kind
Laughter
Scenarios
That stagger the mind
I drive like a trucker
Across this country’s streets
Make love to this material
Languid and bittersweet
I'll rise when the sun goes down
Cover every game in town
A world of my own
I'll make it my home sweet home
…Apologies to Steely Dan
It's everything they say… Being on stage is… The end of a perfect day…
I don’t know what the rest of 2010 has in store… but in a “Paranormal” moment I’ll make this prediction… 2010 won’t be the year of my “Tiger Woods Moment”… ‘Cuz there’s a para-better than-normal waiting for me at home…
Happy New Year fellow road comics and to those who laugh at us… Thanks for laughing… To those wait for us… Thanks for keeping the home fires burning… To those who book us… Thanks, you are appreciated… And to those who don’t… Well…
Scribbling notes onto the yellow legal pad sitting on the seat beside me yesterday during the drive… I’ll start to decipher them into today’s blog… But first I’ll start with a prayer of thanks I drove home yesterday or I’d probably be spending the day in a ditch somewhere along the way… But at least the heater in my car works, so maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad… At least until I ran out of gas… And I’ve been told I NEVER run out of gas… Ask Tetta he’s ridden in the car with me…
Been thinking about compiling my blogs into a book… But do you call a book of road comic blogs???
Charles Kuralt already used the “On The Road with…” theme…
“On Stage with…”???
Maybe, but as any road comic will tell you… Not all the good stories happen on stage… Just like an old sailor’s “Sea Stories” not all the good ones happen at sea… Hell, as an old sailor… I can tell you for certain… The “good ones” happened on land…
“Oh the romance of these harbour towns
Lights that shimmer on canals
And in the bottom of your glass
The air buzzing with foreign tongues
And the occasional cries
Of sailors, tramps and rock 'n' rollers . . .
And another taste of cheap delight
Street food sizzling outside
Washed down with the local poison
These back alleys with their pinkish lights
And the occasional cries
Of smugglers, bums and credit card holders . . .”
…Joe Jackson
Sorry, I digress… I was having a flashback…
Comedy is a “Funny Business”… There’s nothing better than being on stage and in “The Zone”… Though getting there isn’t always easy… Despite prompt response to show drops… Sometimes that’s just the “Sub (Base) Way”… I guess I’ll just go there to eat…
It’s true… It’s a “Funny Business” when they say I’m “too blue”… But I’m not there to… Entertain the “Coastal” line… I’m there to entertain the crowd and they like it just fine…
It’s “Hysterical” that as a “Charter” member they say I can’t manage my career… Call me a fool… I’m just “Bonkerz” my April is almost full…
So you want to be a road comic???
Yes…
This is the day
Of the comedy man
That shape is my shade
There where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday
I gazed through the glass
At jokers
Wild crowd workers
That's all in the past
You call me a fool
You say it's a crazy scheme
This one's for real
I already bought the dream
So useless to ask me why
Throw a kiss and say goodbye
I'll make it this time
I'm ready to cross that fine line
CHORUS:
I've learned to work the microphone
I'll say just what I feel
I don’t drink Scotch whiskey all night long
But I’ll probably die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I wanted a name, too
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me The Nuclear Guy
My back to the wall
A victim of laughing chance
This is for me
The essence of true romance
Sharing the things we know and love
With those of my kind
Laughter
Scenarios
That stagger the mind
I drive like a trucker
Across this country’s streets
Make love to this material
Languid and bittersweet
I'll rise when the sun goes down
Cover every game in town
A world of my own
I'll make it my home sweet home
…Apologies to Steely Dan
It's everything they say… Being on stage is… The end of a perfect day…
I don’t know what the rest of 2010 has in store… but in a “Paranormal” moment I’ll make this prediction… 2010 won’t be the year of my “Tiger Woods Moment”… ‘Cuz there’s a para-better than-normal waiting for me at home…
Happy New Year fellow road comics and to those who laugh at us… Thanks for laughing… To those wait for us… Thanks for keeping the home fires burning… To those who book us… Thanks, you are appreciated… And to those who don’t… Well…
Saturday, January 2, 2010
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