Like a Note in a Bottle...

Like a Note in a Bottle… I received an email today from Joel Pace of Comedy Zone asking me if I was available for a gig on an upcoming date… No I’m 2000 miles away… But Joel I want to publicly thank you for the email… Just to know I haven’t fallen completely off the map is a wonderful feeling… I can’t find the words to say how truly good it made me feel…

 

I’m 2000 miles away… I’m stuck in a land of make believe… Make believe that things are normal and okay… Smile and drag your horde of kids to Wal-Mart to plug up the aisles… You’re only in your mid-twenties or less and you’ve dutifully cranked them out… It’s your only purpose in life… Be happy they let you finish high school…

 

Maybe it’s the nightshift… Maybe it’s more than that… It certainly feels like it… Struggling to finish preparations, packing, and planning to drive from Idaho Falls to Upstate NY… I’ll be leaving in less than two weeks… Me and my three sons… I’ve been marking pet friendly hotels along the way on the map… Maybe I shouldn’t say marking… They might not let us stay there…

 

I will need to average approximately 500miles per day to arrive in 4 days… I’ll have a day or so of rest before turning 180degrees and heading west again… Opening at Mason City Limits in Mason City, IL Nov 2 & 3 and Zanies Rising Star Showcase Nov 5 in Chicago… I need to be back in Idaho by Nov 8^th in order to go to work on the 9^th… A gig in Helena, MT falling through yesterday allows me to work the “real” job that weekend…

 

Desperately needing to escape the comedy Siberia of southeast Idaho at least a few times each month… I have been sending emails as fast as I can type them to bookers, bars, and every fuck stick maker I can think of east and west of the Rockies…

 

While trying to build a run or two… Phone calls are not returned… Emails go unanswered… Venues accustomed to getting shitty local cover bands for free see no need to pay for comedy… etc, etc, etc…

 

When I should be writing material I am busy trying to fill an empty calendar… When there is time to write I am stumped and uninspired by the sameness of my surroundings… A neighborhood resembling something like the one seen in “The Stepford Wives” … Misogyny is too big a word for eastern Idaho… Here they just call it Mormonism… I have become convinced that LDS stands for “Ladies are a Distant Second”… I’m from NY… I wouldn’t like it here even if I was Mormon!!!

 

Diversity… In Idaho Falls that means they used a different color brick to build the church this corner… Than the one on the corner you just passed… Tom Hanks ain’t got nothing on this “Castaway”… “Loneliness of the Long Distance Trucker”… I am starving for stimulation… I might as well be out to sea on a fuckin’ submarine again…

 

The saddest part of this rant is there are people here who will read it and ask, complete with their robot stare… “Why don’t you like it here???” They’ll never understand… I have a neighbor who proudly told me upon hearing I was from NY that she had NEVER BEEN MORE THAN 3HRS AWAY FROM HERE!!! AND NOW SHE IS SHARING THAT WONDERFULLY DIVERSE WORLD VIEW WITH HER SIX FUCKIN' KIDS!!!!

 

This rant has gone on too long… Yet maybe, not long enough… It needs to be posted and I need some sleep… Any touring comics looking for a travel partner please hit me up… Please do it before my head explodes... Thanks again Joel… You might have saved my life today… And if I hang on tight that rope just might drag me back onto the sanity of the road…  

What's Happening in Vegas... Ain't Stayin' in Vegas...

This is the city… Las Vegas, NV… I’ll be working the Series here… The World Series… The World Series of Comedy… September 17-22… I’m a comic… My name’s “The Nuclear Guy”…

What happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas… Not this time… Some funny things will be happening in Vegas and I’ll be there reporting it all… I will be posting Updates, Videos and Blogs about my week in Vegas on and off the stage…

It will also give me a chance to collect material for the kickoff of my still unnamed Internet Talk Show debuting live this November from a secret underground bunker DEEP beneath the SE Idaho desert... Cuz just like the... Mormons... Deep down... Steve is really a nice guy...

Featuring live in studio guests, as well as call in segments from some of Steve's favorite road comics, other than himself... Discussion of current events... Musical guests... Skits... Comedy... Steve's social and irregardless religious commentary... Occasional "On the Road with Steve" shows as his comedy calendar allows and of course... Steve's "Dear Nuclear Guy" relationship advice for the lovelorn...

I’d like to ask those who haven’t done so already to please “Like” the https://www.facebook.com/threedogcomedyproductions page... And announce a “name that show” contest for my still unnamed Internet Talk Show debuting live this November from a secret underground bunker DEEP beneath the SE Idaho desert... Cuz just like the... Mormons... Deep down... I’m really a nice guy... I know… I said that already…

While something catchy is fine… Please try to keep the suggestions reasonable… Comedy is our business… But it’s still a business… You can post your suggestions here in a comment or send them to me in a private message… The winning name will be announced no later than mid-October when show promo and the search for show sponsors kicks into high gear…

The winning entrant will be blind folded, so not to give away the location of the secret underground bunker DEEP beneath the SE Idaho desert... And brought in for a live interview on the debut show… Though no video will be taken of them having sex with small Idaho farm animals… Some things are just meant to be kept private…

So stay tuned… I’d tell you lots of fun things are on the horizon… But I can’t see the horizon from my secret underground bunker DEEP beneath the SE Idaho desert... But just like the... Mormons... Deep down... I’m really a nice guy... I know… I said that already…

YOU BECHTEL EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOLL…

Some time ago in my quest to find passage out of the self-imposed exile to the Siberia of Idaho…

Yes, it was my mistake to move to Idaho Falls, ID… Though had I taken the time to research life here first maybe I could have avoided it… I’m here… Wasting no time looking for the road out of town…

I applied on line and sent my resume to Bechtel Marine Propulsion Corporation for a position at Knolls Atomic Power Laboratory in Upstate NY…

Herein to be known for the remainder of this discussion as BMPC… It may not be PC to refer to this company as a Bowel Movement… But those that know me… Well, yeah… You know… I will just call BM… SHIT!!!

It was so long ago I had forgotten I applied and for what job I had applied for… Approximately two weeks ago I received a phone call from the department manager connected with that position and following the phone interview he informed me the HR department would be in touch with me to arrange my travel from Idaho Falls, ID to Albany, NY for an in person interview…

Early this week I received that phone call and agreed to travel to Albany next week on May 29th for an interview May30th, returning to Idaho Falls the same day… An email was received confirming this… Instructing me to call the travel agency BMPC does “their business” with to schedule my flight…

Of course, on short notice and only a week out the flight was going to be expensive, but they said they wanted me there… Oh, but wait… Not at more than $1000.00 for a round trip ticket…  So the decision was made to reschedule the interview…

Yesterday I received a call from the BMPC HR Department… Would it be PC to now refer to them as the Head Rectal Department??? Yeah, well these people have their heads so far up their collective asses, I am happy this story ends the way it does…

Agreeing to reschedule the interview for Mid-June I expected today to here from the travel agency BMPC does “their business” with to schedule my flight… BUT wait…

Today I received a phone call from the Head Rectal Department informing me that travel for the interview wasn’t authorized… But since I had stated I had family in Upstate NY they would be happy to interview me when I travelled to visit family this summer…

I promptly informed the woman from the Head Rectal Department that if she could remove her head from her ass… She’d have room to stick the interview up there… Interview this, sweetheart… If you talk into this microphone I have in my pants… I’ll make you a star…    

Have a nice day… Mine sucked… But I’m better now…

Big League Dreams

Big League Dreams

A gangly adolescent with Big League Dreams, dressed in standard Catholic High School garb… Dress shoes, pants, collared dress shirt and tie and sport jacket… His shoulder length hair, that everyone else also seemed to be wearing at the time, more than ironically his only claim to individuality… Boarded a school bus on a warm October morning in the early 1970s, lost in his typical teenage thoughts…

Homework and good grades, balanced of course against being a nerd and not fitting in with the popular crowd… More than occasionally seeking the approval he didn’t always get at home in ways the authority of the day (Parents, Priests and Nuns) didn’t always appreciate… Speaking his mind, acting out against authority, usually quite loudly and social commentary on the events of the day or times… While garnering him attention, often had him in hot water with the said authorities of a typical teenager’s life…

Many years later, those same “endearing” qualities… Speaking his mind, often quite loudly… Acting out against authority and social commentary would lead him finally to the stage… Where the safety it provides him to say whatever was on his mind… While garnering the same immediate feedback and acceptance from complete strangers, that he had sought from family and friends his whole life…

But returning now, to our hero’s teenage thoughts as he finds a seat on the bus… Of course Catholic High School girls, pressing the short skirt limit as far up their thighs as the authorities of their day would let them, always had a place somewhere in his mind… Though his attempts at the social skills needed to interact with them were often met with rejection…

Sports were his refuge and warm October days in the early 1970s were a special time indeed… Weekday World Series games were still played on sunlit afternoons back then… A gangly, adolescent boy with Big League Dreams needed to take the necessary steps not to miss the action…  

And low and behold the authorities of the day help provide the means… A transistor radio with and ear piece tucked neatly in the inside breast pocket of his sport coat provided the rest…

Earpiece cord running inside the arm of his coat to the palm of his hand, he could sit head in hand during class… Feigning interest in geography and social studies class while his mind’s eye pictured the descriptions offered by the games announcers… And his teenage Big League Dreams still alive he wondered if he’d ever get the chance to perform on as big a stage…

Many years later… The realities of life having caused the Big League Dream to be long since forgotten… Much to his surprise after 9 years of military service, many years of a successful commercial nuclear power career and numerous crappy relationships… The Big League Dream was suddenly back from the dead and alive again!!!

No, he wouldn’t be hitting home runs or pitching no hitters in the seventh game of the World Series… Our hero had seen a feature story in the local paper about a comedy open mic… Where anyone could come in step on stage be handed the microphone and try their hand at being funny…

Many years later, using those same “endearing” qualities… Speaking his mind, often quite loudly… Acting out against authority and social commentary that always seemed to get him in trouble, (sometimes it still does) with a lifetime of experiences to talk about, our hero had found his home…

Of course he would have to spend his time in the minor leagues honing his skills… Eventually, his Big League Dream became a reality with opportunities to perform on Big League stages all across the country… Where the safety it provides him to say whatever was on his mind… Garnered him the same immediate feedback and acceptance from complete strangers, that he had sought from family and friends his whole life…

Life’s twists and turns weren’t done with our hero, though and last Friday night he stood at a bus stop in Idaho Falls… Listening to a ballgame, not on a transistor radio, but his cell phone… Broadcast live over the internet…  

Choosing his seat as he boarded the bus… The immortal words of “Crash Davis”, the veteran catcher in the movie “Bull Durham” echoed in his ears… “What the hell am I doing in ‘A’ ball???

The twists of life having taken our hero back to the minor league cities and minor league stages… He longed for one last shot at the Big League Dream and Big League Stages… One last shot before he has to hang up his microphone and settling for a “manager’s spot in Visalia” in his attempt to get back to “The Show”…

Fates twists and turns have some good things left for our hero… A chance to perform at the St. Charles, IL Zanies in June, the Twin Cities, Joke Joint in July and Las Vegas in September as part of this year’s World Series of Comedy are as good an ending as to this story as our hero could have ever dreamed on those warm October afternoons many, many years ago…

One last chance to up step to plate and quoting Roy Hobbs in “The Natural”… “To Swing Away”…

More Than Air!!!

18 months into the self-imposed exile to comedy Siberia…

Things are slowly starting to change… Recent successes in Burley and Idaho Falls are buoying my hope that there are people here unafraid of the truth… People fed up with milk and cookies… People starved for big people entertainment and an open window of fresh air to blow away the stale church air that hangs heavy over this city and its surrounding communities…

It’s been a battle to find them… Allies… Brothers in arms… And it’s been an honor to entertain them…

Building on the successful opening night in Burley… We’ve booked a 2^nd comedy night the end of the month in the same venue… I’m currently looking for the right two comics to do the show…

Behind the scenes there have been moments of intense frustration… Unreturned phone calls, unanswered emails and worst of all… Time wasted, at least two out of the last 3-4 weekends, battling computer problems which could have been spent running down new venues or working on material… A constant challenge for every comic…

I’ve heard that the closer one is to victory the harder the battles can become… Maybe it’s the universe testing our resolve… Questioning how bad we really want to win… How bad do I want to win??? How bad do I want this comedy dream to become reality???

I ain’t wasting any more time… I want it more than I want my next breath fresh of air!!! I’ll have it or die trying…

UPDATE… UPDATE… READ ALL ABOUT IT…

Two months into the new year and 6 weeks since breaking the comedy cherry of JJs Saloon… Two additional SE Idaho venues (BJs 19^th Hole Sports Tavern in Burley, ID and Db’s Bar in Idaho Falls) have had their comedy cherries broken with sold out rockin’ shows…

It was my mistake not to get video clips of the show at BJs in Burley… But if there’s any doubt about the DB’s show… See the clips posted on my page or speak those who were there…

But as the up and coming “Godfather of Southeastern Idaho Comedy” continues his search for new venues to build comedy runs in all directions to and from Idaho Falls…

Rumors have come to our attention that a certain booker or bookers may be perusing our Facebook page for information on rooms Three Dog Comedy Productions has already done the leg work on… Then trying to steal our rooms and we'd like to not make it easy for them…

While nothing has been ascertained yet as to whom it may be or if anyone at all… Steps are being taken to protect our efforts… All people and booking agencies have been removed from our friends list and blocked from seeing our home pages… To the people/bookers not involved in unethical behavior I apologize… But ALL BASES NEED TO BE COVERED…

While unnamed now… REST ASSURED… I’LL MAKE YOU A DEAL THAT CAN’T BE REFUSED… IF AND WHEN THE IDENTITIES OF ANYONE TRYING TO UNDERMINE OUR EFFORTS COME TO LIGHT THEY WILL BE SHARED HERE AND WITH THE WHOLE OF THE COMEDY WORLD…

The comedy business is hard enough… Comics and bookers undermining the efforts of others only make this business harder…

As a good friend of my shared with me today “Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.” Consider this a bit of birth control…

And a warning… When we find out… YOU WILL BE FUCKED AND EVERYONE WILL KNOW ABOUT IT!!!

I moved to Idaho to drive a cement truck... The company I worked for back east called them shoe mobiles...

Steve "The Nuclear Guy" Natarelli

www.facebook.com/threedogcomedyproductions

www.facebook.com/stevethenuclearguy

As Time Goes By...

"Losers try their best.... Winners Fuck the Prom Queen!" Sean Connery-"The Rock"

16 months into a self-imposed exile to what amounts to the Comedy Siberia of Southeastern Idaho… Time for this comic having cut his comedy teeth up and down the east coast of America and across the mid-west to do some reality checks, assessments and make some course adjustments…

The comedy road work secured upon first arriving here for all intents and purposed has dried up now due to long distances between gigs, high gas prices and false hope in the promises of bookers dangling quality gigs for a willingness to take the shitty ones, too…

More than a year’s worth of additional writing and polishing of material that has yet to see the stage needs to find an outlet other than while standing in line at Wal-Mart… Thinking out loud like an asylum escapee…

A non-existent local comedy scene… Except for what is known among road comics who’ve been there as one of the shittiest places ever to perform… No love of the art form to be found or practiced there… A “Do your time… Get your check, then leave”, waste of your time venue… It’s only quality being 15minutes from my home… Last setting foot upon its stage this past September… I’ve promised myself… “Never again…”

If a real as we know it comedy scene is going to happen here… It’s going to be up to me to build it… Build it from a populace un-schooled in how to “enjoy” almost any kind of live performances from comedy to live music...

There is no concept that talking through it… Talking over it… Or shouting incoherent BS in the middle of it… Doesn’t make it easy for the few in the room trying to enjoy the performance to have a quality experience and it certainly doesn’t endear the audience to the performers working hard to practice their craft…

The search for venues willing to take a chance on a comedy night running a fowl of the language/indecency police of church people is a constant battle in a city almost devoid of nightlife… In what would be considered the Happy Hour time slot anywhere else in the country… Live music is featured most places from 7-9pm… Live music that plays later than 11pm even on the weekends can be difficult to find… After all people need to get up early for church…

Why are there so many families with 5-6kids here??? FUCK!!! There ain’t anything else to do!!!

But the battle continues and small victories are celebrated… And hopefully built upon… Saturday, January 14th @9pm Three Dog Comedy Productions will break the comedy cherry of a new venue JJs Saloon in “Historic” Downtown Idaho Falls… Just don’t ask me why Downtown Idaho Falls is “Historic”… I don’t have a clue… And I doubt many others do, either… I have some theories… But you’ll have to come to the show to hear them…

I’m happy to have finally found a venue willing to take a chance… Willing to listen and learn how to make a show successful… Quality shows don’t just happen, folks… The dynamics going into a great show are things the audience never sees… But overlooked bring failure… Sound, lighting, room set up… And numerous simple but important other things…

Promotion being an all-important facet also… I’m happy they have embraced it and I’m doing my best to assist via Facebook and email… Remembering of course one of the last shows I produced in Upstate NY to a more than half empty room…

Not a poster, sign or anything appearing on the walls, doors or rest room stalls… The venue, a marina and restaurant/bar, whose owner, shortly after his divorce for an affair with a 17yr old waitress, wanted to cut my pay due to the low turnout… No, that’s why we had a contract, dummy…

But that’s water under the marina dock as they say…

With JJs Saloon already asking about monthly and possibly weekly shows… Things are hopefully looking up… Though I may run some of them as open mics… My personal preference of instruction being a “Boot Camp” scenario… I’ll do my best to tame it down… No pushups for shitty jokes…

I think the best way to teach people how to act as an audience during a live performance just might be to give them a chance to be the performance…

Who knows it could be a small start to something big and who knows someday I just might be known as the “Godfather of Southeastern Idaho Comedy”…

The search for additional venues continues as my thirst for comedy road work remains unquenched… The search is expanding to reasonable driving distances in all directions… The hope being to build a run or two of one and two nighters back to back… Then maybe parlay a piece of that into additional road work from other bookers… Then again maybe not… I’m a GOPer… Elephants never forget…

I’m not sure I’ve said all the things I planned when I sat down to write this…. I’m sure I’ve said some things I hadn’t planned on saying… Though if I’ve said them, they were probably hidden in my not so sub-conscious, conscious and they needed to be said…

Things are looking up as we await the start of 2012 and hopefully more shows to be produced are on the horizon… It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, but I resolve now to do a better job of that as the New Year unfolds…

Hopefully you’ll all come along for the ride with me as… The 2012 Witness Protection – Comedy Breakout Tour causes Southeast Idaho and the surrounding area to soil their garments…

It’s time to “Fuck the Prom Queen!!!”