Contractions started about 2am… Finally waking me from my slumber at 230am this morning… I am proud to announce I gave birth shortly there after and after cleaning up the after birth I offered a quiet God Bless America… Someday my child will rise from the depths of the Idaho Falls sewer system, where I’m sure he is now diligently pursuing a career as a union/community organizer…
He will attend a prominent law school and spend time teaching communism in a university classroom… Thereby never spending a day of his adult life holding a real job or doing an honest day of labor… Until one day he grows up to be President of the United States of America…
Disappointed though by never realizing his dream of becoming a sewer system witch doctor he will he will re-write the health care laws to ensure everyone gets sewer system healthcare while paying even more for it…
Having never worked a real day in his life he will ensure that even more Americans lose their jobs… He doesn’t work why should they… And while he asks them to ration shit paper… He and his wife will vacation at Martha’s Vineyard… As he flaps his jaws eating shrimp…
He will criss-cross the globe apologizing to every asshole in the shit holes of the world because America has softer toilet paper than they do… But never suggesting that maybe they should use the towels on their heads instead… Lest he offend their rag head covered ass’s…
God Bless America… I’ll have a hot dog and a beer today while I watch the ballgame... Maybe mixing in some pretzels for fiber... Before giving birth later tonight to his twin... I'm a goddamn proud American papa today...
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